How to Make Human (and Successful) Connections

In my last post, I wrote about the growing challenge of standing out in an age of AI-generated outreach. As we all learn to recognize that faux personalization is an indicator of a lack of an actual person behind the message, even genuine pitches to event organizers, podcast hosts, or reviewers get lost in the noise. I suggested that authors shift from one-off virtual outreach to one-on-one, relationship-based connection.

(How to Make More Human and Successful Pitches.)

Now I want to expand beyond pitches to how we interact with everyone we encounter (or want to encounter) in our writing and publishing work. From community involvement and collaborations to marketing and reader engagement, a human approach based on authenticity and generosity leads to better results ... and is a lot more enjoyable.

Technology can make our author lives easier, but they can distance us from the people we want to reach. Automated social media scheduling tools and templated newsletters may save time, but efficient processes can lead to lackluster content and can dull our authentic voice.

When listeners of The Indy Author Podcast decide to support me via one of my patronage platforms, the thank you I send is very similar from patron to patron, and it’s tempting to write that message once and use it every time. But writing out the message fresh to each new patron ensures an authenticity I wouldn’t achieve with a generic message.

I’ve even switched away from pointing listeners to my website Contact page if they want to get in touch and instead provide my email address. (Anyone who tries out the firstname@domain.com standard could easily figure it out.) This removes a point of friction of connecting with an individual fan or follower.

Automations and standard operating procedures can be useful tools, but they should be used in the service of authentic communications, not as a substitute for it. When we communicate with individuals, we should treat them as individuals.

Ask yourself: Does this sound like me—or like everyone else?

If you’re approaching your author career as a business rather than a hobby, then you will have practical, goal-oriented reasons for reaching out to writing and publishing colleagues: to obtain a blurb for your book, to land a speaking opportunity at a genre reader conference, to connect with a librarian or bookseller. But approaching such transactions with a “What can I get?” mindset eliminates practical benefits you might otherwise gain. It makes the interaction transactional, where even a one-time “win” devalues the potential of a connection.

Instead, ask yourself “What value can I provide?” That will smooth the way to success in that transaction but, more importantly, it paves the way to a long-term connection that will benefit both parties.

For example, I have recommended colleagues as writers for publications and platforms that offer a limited number of slots, which means that every successful recommendation reduces my own chances of landing one of those slots. But for every recommended colleague whose work I’ve seen on that platform, I’ve been paid back handsomely: They’ve promoted my work, notified me of opportunities, and introduced me to other professionals whose connections have proven valuable to me.

Find ways to provide value. When a podcaster hosts you on their show, promote their work in return. When you ask another author for a blurb, read and share their books.

Ask yourself: What relationships in my professional life could become more productive if I offered value first?

It’s easy to fall into the trap of treating readers or followers as data points: email opens, link clicks, conversions. But people aren’t metrics; they’re individuals who choose to let you into their lives. A more human approach to marketing focuses less on selling and more on connecting.

I used to use a social media posting tool that enabled me to post the same content on multiple platforms, but it prevented me from optimizing the content for each platform’s audience, and I wasn’t checking in on most of the platforms to see how that audience was responding. Now I’m focusing on one platform, where I actually interact with the people who are responding to my posts.

In what other ways can we humanize our marketing? Respond personally to messages, spotlight another author whose work your readers would love, or simply write your newsletter in the same conversational tone you’d use with a friend.

Ask yourself: How can my marketing sound more like a conversation and less like a campaign?

We’re often told to grow our followings, build our platforms, and scale our reach—but sometimes, smaller is stronger. A few hundred engaged subscribers who feel seen and valued will do more for your long-term success than tens of thousands of passive followers.

I’m frequently a guest on others’ podcasts, and the extent of that outreach is almost always more closely tied to the quality of the engagement of the host’s followers rather than with the number of followers.

Especially when you’re starting out, don’t design your processes for connecting with your colleagues to accommodate a network that’s substantially bigger than the one you currently have. You’re more likely to create barriers than efficiencies.

Whether you’re running a newsletter, a podcast, or a reader group, prioritize depth over breadth. The time you spend doing this builds loyalty and trust that no algorithm can replicate.

Ask yourself: Where could I trade quantity for quality in the way I connect with others?

In a world that’s increasingly automated and genericized by reliance on AI, your humanity is your differentiator: the warmth of a sincere message, the generosity of a thoughtful recommendation, the curiosity of a genuine question. Lead with empathy, authenticity, and reciprocity in every interaction. It’s the surest way to build not only a successful author career, but a meaningful one.