Writing Best Friends Who Are More Than a Sidekick
Author Patricia Leavy explains how to write best friends who are more than a sidekick by looking at a friendship in her own romance series.
Friends are one of the biggest gifts in life. These are relationships based on common interests, mutual support, and having a good time together, without family drama, sexual politics, or economic strings. These are people we choose because they make our lives better. Recent research shows that friendships add significantly to our mental and physical health and even make our romantic relationships/marriages stronger. Friends rock.
I’m a really good friend. I know what’s important to my closest friends, when to check on them, and when to leave them alone. I always try to be generous and thoughtful. I’m there for the struggles no matter how long they last and I’m there to celebrate the wins, big or little. They can count on me, and they know it. There’s no BS, faking, or pretense. They confide in me about stuff that matters. Even scary stuff, like a mole they’re afraid to show their doctor or problems with their spouse.
Luckily, I receive all of this in return tenfold. My friends are there for me—really there for me—no matter what. They offer a kind of support that makes the good times better and lifts me up in the hard times. On top of all this, we have so much fun together. There’s no laughter or playful eye-rolling like that which happens between friends. True friends keep you humble and put you on a pedestal. Other than my husband, my friends know me best, and let’s face it, in some ways, they know me even better. This is true for many women.
It's no wonder that many novels feature best friend characters. This is especially true in romance and women’s fiction, two genres written primarily by and for women. I’m a romance novelist and avid reader. Despite the prevalence of best friend characters in romance novels, they are often relegated to “sidekick” status. You know what I mean—they have no real storyline of their own, we learn little about them, and they seem to exist solely for the sake of the protagonist. These one-way relationships don’t require much of the bestie character, so they’re myopic, and typically rely on archetypal tropes. There’s the gay male bestie, often portrayed as effeminate and superficial. There’s the nerdy (often glasses wearing) female bestie of the beautiful protagonist. And so on.
Tropes and archetypes are not always a bad thing. They are familiar to readers and may mirror genuine experiences. However, when cliches are delivered through one-dimensional characters with no real life of their own, it becomes stale. More than that, we’re depriving our protagonists of the very kinds of deep friendships that add so much to our lives. Our protagonists deserve best friends that are more than a sidekick, and so do our readers.
I’ve been told that I “do” friends well in my books, from my earliest women’s fiction novels to my recent contemporary romances. Readers often love the friendships at least as much as the romantic relationships. I do too. In fact, many of my best friend characters are my favorite characters. This is especially true of Omar in The Celestial Bodies Romances.
The Celestial Bodies Romances is a contemporary romance series about Tess Lee, a world-famous novelist, and Jack Miller, a federal agent. Both have experienced deep trauma in their pasts which has left a residue. Despite giving selflessly to others, neither has been able to find personal happiness until they meet. In short, the series is about the power of unconditional love to help us heal from our visible and invisible wounds.
Omar is Tess’s best friend. They met during their freshman year of college. Tess survived severe childhood sexual abuse and thus has no family to return to. Omar’s family disowned him when he came out as gay. The two develop a strong bond and decide to be each other’s family. Twenty years later, when the series begins, that bond is unbreakable. Tess and Omar are there for each other in good and bad times. As chosen and not biological family they have differences—race, religion, sexual orientation, and gender to name a few. There is much the two come to share—history, stories, and witty banter (they love playful mockery). Their personal and professional lives are intertwined by choice. They know and love each other and make an effort to know and love each other’s partners. While Tess refers to Jack as the love of her life, she considers Omar her soul mate. It’s mutual.
The first novel in the series is called Shooting Stars Above, and the second Twinkle of Doubt. Readers will see that along with Tess and Jack, Omar develops more in each book, as does his relationship with Tess. Spoiler alert: There are six books written to date, and we’ll be releasing one every spring. By the last book, Omar’s storyline is told in full—just like the storylines for Tess and Jack. Bigger spoiler alert: Book six ends with a scene with all three characters, because the relationship Tess has with Omar is of equal importance to the relationship she has with Jack.
Omar is Tess’s best friend, but he’s much more than that. He has his own life—relationships (including a romantic partner), work, hopes, fears, disappointments—and Tess is there for him as much as he is for her. I believe this is why Omar resonates with so many readers, and why many, me included, consider him the friend we want. There are a few things I kept in mind when writing Omar that are helpful if we want to move away from sidekick besties to meaningful friend characters.
Characters are multidimensional, not just myopic representations meant to fill a “slot” in someone else’s life. In real life, our friends don’t just exist so they can pop up when it suits us. They are people with their own attributes and struggles. Every character needs a clear identity of their own. Voice, mannerisms, personality, and a point of view. They have their own lives—backgrounds, relationships, dreams, and challenges. Thus, even if not centerstage, they need their own storylines so they’re not just “around” when it serves the protagonist’s journey. Readers need to see them in their lives. As writers, when we strive to create well-drawn and complex besties it adds dimension to both the character and the character’s relationship with the protagonist. When you’re writing, if you can hear the bestie’s voice as well as the protagonist and you know their emotional core, you’re on the right track.
Relationships are two-way. In scenes with the protagonist and her bestie, remember, friendship is mutual. Consider how the characters talk with one another, show affection, and how they make each other feel. They each have a role in the other’s life which readers need to see.
Friendships are chosen. The beauty of friends is that we choose them and they choose us. Why did these characters choose each other? What do they add to each other’s lives? What does love and support look like in their unique relationship? I always feel like if I’m writing a character with whom I would love to be friends then I’m on the right track.
Finally, bear in mind there should be a mix of reality and fantasy when developing a friend character. The best “best friend” characters tap into the real things we all feel with “our people”—we feel heard, seen, valued, supported, uplifted, and even entertained. Unfortunately, as we get older our besties may not be people we see every day, every week, or even every year. People move, get married or partnered, care for aging parents, and have children, pets and demanding careers. In short, life happens. We may not get to see or talk to each other as much as we’d like to. In fiction there’s always the ability to mix a little bit of fantasy into our writing. For example, besties can live in the same city and have an abundance of time to spend together despite their busy lives. Fiction can be aspirational and so can the characters and relationships we write.
I can hear some people saying, “Can’t you save all of this for the romantic relationship in the book?” No. Romantic love isn't enough. It just isn’t.
There’s nothing I adore more than big, grand, movie-like love, in fiction and in real life. I became a romance novelist for a reason. I’m a hopeless, hopeful, unabashed love junkie. Yet, I know romance is not enough. Love comes in many forms. True friendships add immeasurably to our lives. We should take friendship seriously in life and in writing. It’s rare to find people who get you, are there for you, and make your world better. When you find these people, cherish them. Allow your characters the same.
Check out Patricia Leavy's Twinkle of Doubt here:
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