HOW TO ENTER REJECT-A-HIT Ever wish you could be the one doing the rejecting? Take the WD challenge by humorously rejecting a hit in 400 words or fewer. Send your letter to firstname.lastname@example.org with “Reject a Hit” in the subject line. Yours could appear in a future issue! (Submitted pieces may be edited for space or clarity.)
Let’s step once again into the role of the unconvinced, perhaps even curmudgeonly or fool-hearted editor: What harsh rejection letters might the authors of some of our favorite hits have had to endure? For this special edition of Reject a Hit, WD readers took our online challenge to rebuff Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet—in just one line. Here are 10 of our favorite faux editorial snubs.
i. Sir, in this chronicle of errors, you omitted the largest—dipping your pen in the ink.
ii. Because the overripe plot about underripe characters has been used by greater writers, one can hope that this is the last time.
iii. Iambic pentameter is no longer in, but consider resubmitting if you update your story to include text messaging.
iv. It’s only “romantic” because both kids die before they are old enough to start bitching about each other.
v. Too depressing—wherefore art thou, Prozac?
vi. Due to legal reasons, we cannot publish stories involving the corruption of a minor.
vii. My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words of thy tongue’s uttering, yet I know the sound of the slush pile stuttering.
viii. Too much angst, not enough vampires.
ix. Might I humbly suggest changing your name to Debbie Downer?
x. Really … Romeo didn’t even try to check Juliet’s pulse?
TOP 10 REJECTIONS SUBMITTED BY: 1. Jim Goodwin 2. Myles Moffit 3. Molly Ringle 4. Robert 5. Kemari Howell 6. Brenda Kezar 7. Candace Davis 8. Leanne Beattie 9. Nathan Honoré 10. Reggie Manning