5 Steps to Reclaim Your Relationship With Writing

I’m a big dreamer. I’ve always carried grand visions of being a writer, living an artful life, doing work that matters. But along with those visions, I’ve also carried an undercurrent of doubt and disbelief. In my early 30s, I decided to leave my safe corporate job and follow my dream of making a living as a writer, which brought this hidden tension to the surface.

(How to Turn a True Event Into a Compelling Story.)

I questioned myself every step of the way, doubt echoing through my inner narratives: You're not a real writer. You don’t have what it takes. Even if you do realize your dreams, you will only ruin them somehow. Things don’t work out for you.

When you have big dreams and big doubts battling with each other, you are bound to find yourself in a cycle of growth and self-sabotage—three steps forward, two steps back. I saw this pattern as proof that I was destined to struggle. Whether it was my creative aspirations or some other aspect of my personal or professional life, I saw my journey through a lens of scarcity. I expected things to go wrong, and when they did, even if it was outside of my control, I believed I was destined to always be a day late and a dollar short.

Over time, I realized something crucial: If I wanted to live this creative life and truly embody what it means to be an artist, then I had to learn to embrace my challenges as creative material and see my life as my work of art, continuously shaping and molding to reveal the truest expression.

I thought: What if my struggles aren’t evidence of inadequacy but a reflection of mindset? What if what I’ve been calling struggle could fuel my creativity instead of suppressing it?

In my book, Story Work: Field Notes on Self-Discovery and Reclaiming Your Narrative, I explore what it takes to reclaim creative power in our lives, and I take you with me as I revisit the stories that gave birth to my defeated narratives, showing how I’ve learned to reshape them.

What defeated narratives might be in the way of your writing dreams?

To step fully into the writing life that is meant for you, you will eventually have to confront any inner narratives that are blocking your fullest expression. The following five steps can help you uncover and reclaim the stories standing between you and the writer you want to be.

What could my creative challenges be trying to teach me?

Whether or not you realize it, your relationship with creativity is shaped by the beliefs you carry, many of which are based on opinions, assumptions, and inherited stories rather than your own lived experience.

Do you assume that there’s a right way and a wrong way to be a writer? Maybe you developed the idea that if the words don’t come out perfectly on the first try, they never will. Do you question if your story matters when it’s "all been said before?" Are you discouraged because progress feels slow?

In Story Work, I invite readers to look closely at the beliefs they’ve internalized and whether they are helpful or hurtful. When we get curious about our assumptions, we find fertile ground for planting new perspectives.

If I dare to shed light on what I’ve been afraid to face, what new chapter of my creative life could begin?

Reclaiming your story means getting curious about the truths you’ve been afraid to confront and what power they might hold. Often, what we are most hesitant to explore is exactly what will move us forward.

What truths have you been avoiding in your writing? What memories reveal these truths or show where they went into hiding? If you wrote without censoring yourself, how might your voice, confidence, and creative vision expand? Could your writing become a courageous way to face these shadows—not for acknowledgment or publication alone—but for the deep fulfillment that comes from owning every part of who you are?

Exploring our shadows takes courage, but it gives us access to a deeper source of motivation that makes the rewards of writing profoundly personal and less dependent on external approval.

How can my struggles become teachers rather than obstacles?

In Story Work, I invite readers to imagine themselves as the main character in a story they are writing, using their imagination to explore different ways their challenges could transform their lives.

What have you learned from the difficulties and experiences you’ve faced as a writer? When you open your mind and look at yourself from a different perspective, how can you reframe what you’ve been through to reveal the wisdom it offers? How does the main character (you) evolve, learn, and grow through these challenges?

Every compelling story promises an arc of transformation that keeps us turning the pages, and your story deserves that same evolution.

What do I need to release in order to make room for what’s next?

When we commit to questioning old narratives and embracing new ways of being, we also have to let go of the versions of ourselves that carried those old beliefs.

The creative process of reclaiming your story allows you to honor and release the identities you’ve outgrown—mindsets that once protected you, paths you didn’t take—surrendering it all to the page.

What roles and personas are you clinging to that are holding you back? What familiar patterns or comfort zones are you ready to leave behind? How might releasing the old create space for new possibilities? Which endings in your past are necessary for the beginnings you want to set in motion?

When you reflect on the stories and memories that illustrate these old identities, you can consciously weave them into a new, evolved narrative. You no longer see them as reasons to feel defeated, but as sources of wisdom and empowerment.

What do my struggles reflect about my values and what matters most to me?

Ultimately, every struggle hides an opportunity to face life’s complexity with courage and creativity—honoring your experiences, learning from them, and using them as the building blocks for a life that aligns with your values and creative vision.

Each challenge can become a teacher, guiding you toward growth, clarity, and fuller self-expression.

What meaning are you assigning to your experiences? How does the story you’ve been telling about your writing journey reflect who you really are and the story you want your life to tell?

When I faced my old struggle narrative with a creative perspective, I saw myself as a character in pursuit of something bigger than myself. When you choose to see yourself as the author of your life, you get to craft a storyline that empowers you, a transformative arc where obstacles lead to progress, and the journey itself is the destination.

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