The Mom Shout Out: Yesterday was the day of Mothers, the day where we celebrate the beautiful yet sometimes overtly hostile women that created us, named us, and grounded us for several weeks for experimenting poorly with Tequila and Diet Cherry Coke at Mike Hogan's dad's house while his parents were out of town. And although she may not read my blog because she's in the "like the Beta Max VCR, the Internet is just a passing fad" camp, I still want to say to her, Happy Mother's Day (yesterday), Mom. Thank you for not judging. Publicly.
Anyway, as you may or may not have realized, more than two weeks have elapsed during my documentation of Mission Semi-Impossible. I am now back in Boston, where the weather moodily swings 40 degrees day to day, having come back sans any sort of proof that I was in a place known for its beaches and clever vanity license plates (TRPHY WFE being the classic example of which I actually saw two different versions).
And it pains me to announce that the mission, friends, was not completely successful. As you may have noticed from the highly varied word counts day to day, my pre-occupation with things happening on certain daytime talk shows and nighttime reality television match-making events, my propensity to spend inordinate amounts of time highly focused on other trivial things, and my futile search for the key to my father's liquor cabinet, getting 28000 words in that amount of time was a wee bit optimistic. So, on the face of it, I have failed. I am no Ethan Hunt as played by Tom Cruise, I have not been awarded the Freedom Medal of Valor from the International Association of Scientologists or worn sunglasses that will self-destruct in five seconds, and I broke up with Katie Holmes during the second season of "Dawson's Creek" when I felt like she'd gotten "too Hollywood".
But, friends, do not fret. The hope spring is still on, and eternally, um, springing. Let's look at the bright side: I did get over 20,000 words, I am a mere 30-40 pages away from completion, I have a very good idea of where the book is heading and the changes I will have to make during Round 2, I actually think I might understand some of my character's motivations, I've been drinking a lot of water, which is good for flushing toxins out of my vital organs and providing a moist environment for my ear, nose, and throat tissue, and my father and I have basically become aloof, on edge and distant even in close proximity best friends.
I still plan on using the next two weeks to finish off this draft, before I start summer courses for my MFA, splitting the time between the journalistic duties to which I'm financially bound and the novel to which I'm emotionally wed, so there will be a light at the end of this tunnel. And you, friends, won't have to read the same type of post day after day as I struggle to come up with variations of the sin gluttony.
So, in conclusion: apologies on the failure to launch complete mission semi-impossible, thank you for all of your support, stories, grammar checks, pop culture updates, and the like. I still plan on dropping the knowledge a few times a week, throwing in some new, different kinds of posts (I would try and be more vague, but it's impossible) so check back frequently, because, let's face it, I get lonely.
Question to Ponder: Will the Bachelor rose ceremony really be the most dramatic rose ceremony ever? Or does the fact that the NY Post leaked that one of the contestants already admitted to winning (i don't want to spoil it for you...but her name rhymes with Nessa) make that statement technically impossible?
KLF is gonna rock ya (are you ready?),
PS- pictured below: Katie Holmes in sleeveless flannel and Ethan Hunt as played by Tom Cruise as played by Xenu, intergalactic warlord dictator and action film buff.