If A Blog Falls in the Woods; The (Real) Reason I Haven't Been Posting

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Hi, friends.
You may be wondering why I haven't posted on my blog in several weather cycles. I would wonder, if I were you, because you seem like such a concerned reader, and you've always loved the Internet. Well, normally I would harp on about how my deadlines have been strenuously entrenching me with posting block, and how I recently got 16 stitches in my chin and lost two teeth in a basketball-related accident, and that would be (scarily) true. But the real reason that I haven't written anything of note in nearly a month is because of an economic maxim no doubt affecting everyone in journalism: I haven't been paid. In, like, a long time.

When I left the column-writing world, I was asked to retain my blog, partially because that was where most of my writing was done anyway (save 6 1200 word columns a year), and more likely, because blogging is a great bit cheaper in a words-for-the-money type way, and my readers tended to skew younger, or more interweb savvy, and thus would be affected less if I was still allowed to riff on procrastination and post Ting-Tings music videos. It seemed to be a no-lose scenario; I'd still get to do my business, and they would still be able to retain my 18 readers, at a significantly cheaper price. We had some ground rules -- I was to post on Tuesday mornings, keep to writing-world related topics, and avoid Polish Youtube videos of the intro to Tailspin.

And so it went.

But then a weird thing happened. And by weird, I obviously mean bad: I didn't get my negotiated payment(z). Like, at all.

This puts me in an uncomfortable position, obviously, because I do love posting to the blog and I really only do it because I have such sweet, cool, and aesthetically talented readers, and the pay is, admittedly, pretty nominal, but still -- you've got to draw the line somewhere, right? I mean, if I'm not getting paid, then I might as well just post to my own blog, and throw up all the links to old Disney Afternoon intros that I could ever need, along with a bunch of hilarious poems that I've been holding for special occasion, and several links to my Facebook photo albums from Europe, and the things that I would Tweet about if I knew how to use Twitter. But then again, I'm lazy, so really--who knows?

Maybe it's all a big misunderstanding. Maybe my checks were getting sent to and cashed by my Mom, who is using them to buy old seasons of 227 and Designing Women. Or maybe I actually got fired, but I'm like that dude in Office Space who still comes into work, just because he's not sure where else to go.

Anyway... this, friends, is where I'm at right now. I'm sorry that I haven't been posting, I really am, and it would've pained me to give you some fake excuse about my over-usage of calisthenics. You're better than that.


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