Mission Semi-Impossible: Day Five: Subpar Weekend Edition

Publish date:

Words: 984
Feeling: Dramatically Displayed Disgust.

Sins: Sloth-like Avarice, Compulsive Gluttony

Fears: I suffer from productivity hangovers, I need Ritalin badly but am too lazy to get tested for ADD, I will never get to the Seventh Operating Thetan Level of Scientology.

Thoughts: Thinking isn't exactly working out for me today. Look at the word count, friends. My brain stopped. Luckily it's the weekend, so I'm not expecting anyone to read this. They should be out in the sun, absorbing the Daily Recommended Value of Vitamin D in an effort to avoid ricketts.

But, as a bonus for the sun-haters, I will provide the famous pro-immigration speech by Alicia Silverstone from Clueless:

Mr. Hall: Should all oppressed people be allowed refuge in America? Amber will take the con position. Cher will be pro. Cher: 2 minutes.

Cher: So, OK, like right now, for example, the Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources? But it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I said R.S.V.P. because it was a sit-down dinner. But people came that, like, did not R.S.V.P. So I was, like, totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squish in extra place settings; but by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier!

Question to Ponder: Would Tom Cruise handcuffed and forced to share a loveseat with notable psychiatrist Dr. E. Fuller Torrey, M.D. make a better replacement for Rosie on "The View" than Raven? Keep in mind, Cruise is handsome.

None of this makes a lick of sense. All apologies.

Who Can It Be Now,

Men at,

PS- Pictured Below: Cruise operating at Thetan Level 7, known colloquially as the "Olive Garden" level. And a rickett-free Orangutan.

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