Agent in Your Pocket: Stop Trying to Deserve the Yes
Literary agent Jessica Berg explains why it’s important for authors to feel worthy and project confidence when querying and communicating with literary agents.
Two very different things happen when your work enters someone else’s hands. On my side, I’m evaluating based on fit, need, timing, taste, and priorities. I’m thinking about audience and editorial relationships, and how this aligns with my overall strategy.
On your side of the desk, you’re trying to prove you belong in the room.
I see so many authors get trapped in this loop. We’ve all been taught that if we’re humble enough or pleasant enough, we might finally be chosen. So we learn to perform worthiness before we learn to articulate the value we bring.
I completely understand why. For so many of us, it’s often the safest strategy we were taught. The reality is that you can do many things right and still hear a no. You can be talented and thoughtful, disciplined, prepared, and humble and still not be what that person needs in the moment.
Yes, the rejection can be painful but it’s not a personal failure. It’s not proof that you’re not ready. It’s information, but most people don’t consider it that way. They receive rejection and convert it into identity. “I’m not enough” or “I’m too much.” “I should wait.” “I should shrink.”
What if you stopped internalizing the rejection as a proclamation of your value?
How to Stop Trying to Deserve the Yes
I learned decades ago that the scariest move in any creative life is to stop asking for permission to exist and start making it easy for the right person to recognize why you fit in the space you’re occupying.
So that means you have to stop auditioning for approval.
First, consider how you’re speaking to yourself. Your inner voice decides your energy and your vibe before you write a single sentence. So if the voice in your head says, “Don’t take up too much space,” you’re going to be operating from a place of fear.
When you feel small, you blur your own signal and hide the strongest part of your work. You pre-reject yourself and call it humility but most of the time it’s self-protection. This kind of internal narrative also keeps you stuck asking for the yes because you’re not able to be the steward of your work while you’re managing everyone else’s comfort.
If your internal script is “I’m taking up too much of this person’s time,” then your external communication starts to sound tentative. But if your inner voice is, “This is what I made and who I made it for,” then your communication will operate from a place of clarity and precision.
In practice, that looks like cutting words from your vocabulary like just, maybe, probably, sorry, and anything that asks permission to take up space. Replace it with language that reflects you know your worth.
So it’s not, “Sorry to bother you.” Replace that with, “Thanks for your consideration.” It’s not, “I know you’re busy. I won’t take up much of your time.” Switch that to be, “I’m reaching out because I think we’re a good match.”
This shift is how you stop trying to audition for approval.
You Don’t Have to Earn the Right to Take Up Space
Once you’re aware of the language you’re using (internally and out loud), your work becomes both easier and harder. You have to repeatedly choose clarity over comfort and self-respect over self-protection.
The thing is, it’ll get easier because you can stop wasting energy and brain space on performance. You’ll stop rehearsing humility and stop trying to be harmless enough to be chosen.
The result is twofold. One you’ll have to tolerate being seen before you feel fully ready. You’ll have to risk being misunderstood and stop treating no as a judgment of who you are.
But then, decisions become easier. Your voice becomes stronger. You stop trying to perform worthiness and instead start positioning yourself as the professional that you are.
