Prevent (Self) Defense(iveness)

Publish date:

This week is, of course, Halloween-- our tribute to the old Celtic festival Samhain, and the appropriate time for the professions of nurse/doctor/army chick/hobbit to suddenly become intensely "sexy." A lot of you may be asking, "Kev, what particularly hilarious costume have you come up with for the festivities on ol' Hallow's Eve?" and I would reply, "Oh God, I still have no idea, why do you keep bringing this up at such inappropriate times?" Then I would Facebook message you later bc I felt guilty about the way I spoke to you.

Writing is important, friendz, and indeed the lifeline that separates this blog from, say, a blog dedicated to LOLCATZ, but the book re-writes are moving in slow and mysterious ways. Would you believe I still haven't printed out a copy of my book to read through for the re-writes? Would you consider that I thought about saying that I had, because I felt so guilty that I was letting you down? Do you see what our relationship is doing to me?

I want to say it's not my fault, but that's obviously not true-- it's quite obviously my fault, but I caught a particularly busy week at work last week, my boss was in to-- blah, blah, excuses, excuses, etc. That is the issue. It is so easy to make excuses. See? I just did it earlier, but the issue is, nobody but yourself cares, or notices... the only thing that'll change when I don't get my own writing in is my likely my mood, which'll go from light and fantastically high-spirited to dark, and close-mindedly eager to consume six packets of Swiss Miss hot chocolate (w marshmallows!) using milk instead of water. This will have to improve if I have any hope of being able to make one sided small talk with Jodi Picoult (when I inevitably run into her in the dried fruit section of Trader Joes) beyond:

"Remember when we had a column next to each other for six months or so? Crazy right??"
"Ummm... you don't by any chance want to purchase four million copies of my book? Ha! No, I mean, of course I was kidding..."
"Oh, well, that depends on what you mean by 'published'..."
"Yeah, that does make it kind of difficult. I mean, I could send it to you in PDF..."
"Oh, no, totally, I know, this has been quite an economic downturn. Maybe we should just exchange emails and I'll shoot it over to you..."
"Ok... so you're saying I just send it to: jodip@TheInternet? No dot com or dot org or anything? And that synchs up with your iPhone?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't even realize my body was blocking the exit! Anyway, it was so good to see you again! And not to be annoying but can you get it published and sold before Friday-- I've got to go to this Halloween thing, and I want to casually slip that into conversation..."
"No, Jodi. I have no idea what I'm dressing up as."

Wow. That really went much longer than expected. Jodi is quite the talker. Comments should include costume ideaz, deep thoughtz, and your honest opinion of Seven Layer "Magic" Barz. Feel free to make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall.

There's Always Someone,
Cooler Than You

Ben Folds


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