A Conversation I'm Currently Having With Myself - Writer's Digest

A Conversation I'm Currently Having With Myself

Author:
Publish date:

"Dude."
"What?"
"Stop. Seriously."
"Stop what?"
"Stop f-ing around online, pack up your computer and go finish your work. You're on deadline. Today!"
"
No, I know. I totally know. I'm going in one sec--it's just--have you seen Slate today? There's this article by Witold Rybczynski about how to make environmentally friendly buildings that aren't ugly. It's really interesting sounding."
"But you don't even like architecture. And Witold Rybczynski sounds like a made up name."
"I know, it totally sounds made up. I think that's what originally interested me in the article."
"Well, yeah, I mean funny names are kind a--no, wait. Stop this. Get your stuff and go to Espresso Royale and finish this draft of the Best Pre-Schools package for Boston Mag. Your editor is going to kill you."
(Whiny voice)"But if I go to Espresso Royale, I'm going to smell like coffee for the rest of the day. And plus sometimes there are hippies there, and they seem like the judging-type of hippies."
"Then stop asking them for patchouli oil and incense. Now c'mon. Pack up. You really need to go now."
"Okay, fine. Let me turn off my--oh, just got an email. It seems Ramsey has sent me a link to a blog that talks about drinking and watching football, but apparently--according to Ramsey-- does so hilariously and in a way that only guys can appreciate. Being that I'm a guy and sometimes I watch football that sounds like something I'd be interested in reading about, so let me just click on that li--"
"Are you serious? What the f**k is your problem? Ramsey sends links from this blog everyday. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't even read it."
"What's your problem with Ramsey?"
"I don't have a problem with Ramsey. I just want you to stop procrastinating so you're not in such a bad mood later when you realize you have to pull an all-nighter."
"Okay, you're right. Let me check one thing, ok? I just need to do this quick search."
(Typing)
"Um, are you Googling yourself?"
"...No."
"Yes, you are. You're doing it right now. I'm watching you."
"Dude, have you ever thought about what happens when you Google Google? That would be crazy. Doesn't that just melt your face? That's like some postmodern-outside-the-Matrix type sh*t."

"No, it's not, you'd just get sent to Google.com--anyway, stop changing the subject!! You're the worst most self obsessed procrastinator ever. Maybe if you didn't spend so much time online looking at stupid Youtube videos of bears eating moose and reading pointless links and Googling yourself, you'd actually get things accomplished!"

(Quietly) "It's meese."
"What!?"
"The plural for moose is meese."
"No, it's not."
"Yeah, man, I read Ranger Rick. It is."
"Google that shite."
"Ok, but first I'm just going to watch a quick episode of Friday Night Lights on NBC.com. I'm nearly halfway through the first season, and the Dillon Panthers just found out they made the playoffs!!"
"Dude, you really do need to go. But now that you mention Friday Night Lights, I was sort of wondering: What's going on with Lyla Garrity and her tumultuous relationship with Jason Street?"
"Only one way to find out, friend!!"

PS- To whet (wet?) your appetite, here's a preview of the show I'm obsessed with that critics are calling "better than Ezra" and "like Notting Hill with football players". And now, seriously, I'm going to leave to go Espresso Royale. The hippies don't like to stay after 5 PM anyway.

richard_adams_watership_down_quotes_a_rabbit_has_two_ears_a_rabbit_has_two_eyes_two_nostrils_they_ought_to_be_together_not_fighting

10 Epic Quotes From Watership Down, by Richard Adams

Here are 10 epic quotes from Watership Down, by Richard Adams. The story of a group of rabbits who escape an impending danger to find a new home, Watership Down is filled with moments of survival, faith, friendship, fear, and hope.

WD Poetic Form Challenge

WD Poetic Form Challenge: Quintilla Winner

Learn the winner and Top 10 list for the Writer’s Digest Poetic Form Challenge for the quintilla.

plot_twist_story_prompts_fight_or_flight_robert_lee_brewer

Plot Twist Story Prompts: Fight or Flight

Every good story needs a nice (or not so nice) turn or two to keep it interesting. This week, it's fighting time.

Garfield

Vintage WD: 10 Rules for Suspense Fiction

John Grisham once admitted that this article from 1973 helped him write his thrillers. In it, author Brian Garfield shares his go-to advice for creating great suspense fiction.

Pennington_10:21

The Chaotically Seductive Path to Persuasive Copy

In this article, author, writing coach, and copywriter David Pennington teaches you the simple secrets of excellent copywriting.

Grinnell_Literary Techniques

Using Literary Techniques in Narrative Journalism

In this article, author Dustin Grinnell examines Jon Franklin’s award-winning article Mrs. Kelly’s Monster to help writers master the use of literary techniques in narrative journalism.

Poetry Prompt

Wednesday Poetry Prompts: 545

Every Wednesday, Robert Lee Brewer shares a prompt and an example poem to get things started on the Poetic Asides blog. This week, write a cleaning poem.

new_agent_alert_amy_collins_talcott_notch_literary_services

New Agent Alert: Amy Collins of Talcott Notch Literary Services

New literary agent alerts (with this spotlight featuring Amy Collins of Talcott Notch Literary Services) are golden opportunities for new writers because each one is a literary agent who is likely building his or her client list.

5_tips_for_writing_scary_stories_simone_st_james_horror_novels_hauntings

5 Tips for Writing Scary Stories and Horror Novels

Bestselling and award-winning author Simone St. James shares five tips for writing scary stories and horror novels that readers will love to fear.