In real speech, we open most conversations with introductions and small talk. In fiction, these introductions and small talk do nothing but get in the way:
"Good morning, Sam."
"How are you?"
"Fine. Nice looking day today, isn't it?"
Sam and Wally may soon reveal their needs in conflict, but why wait? Cut the niceties and get to it:
"Good morning, Sam."
"It would be, if I didn't have to look at your backstabbing face so early."
There's no waiting and no doubt at all what the conflict is here.
PAUSES TO THINK
In real speech, we use filler words or sounds to buy time to think about what to say next.
In dialogue, words like well, ahem, ah and uh dilute the conflict and get in the way of its progression. If your character needs to stall for time, have her do something that signals her need to stall or her reluctance to answer:
"What's the status of the Corbin Project?" said Al.
Linda bit her lip and looked down at the floor. An eternity of tense seconds passed.
"There are serious problems."
"Unsatisfactory. I told you I wanted that project straightened out by now."
Here the conflict is intense, the action moves fast and we know Linda is in hot water.
In real speech we use echoes to ensure understanding, to buy time to form a reply, or to continue a conversation.
Pat said, "I went to see Fred today."
"You saw Fred, did you?" said Lois.
"Yes, I saw Fred. We talked about the Jackson case."
"You discussed the Jackson case? What for?"
Rewriting to delete the echoes and to foreground the conflict yields a much more intense passage.
"I saw Fred today," Pat said. "We talked about the Jackson case."
"You had no right to do that," said Lois.
Take the guesswork out of creating great fiction. Consider:
Plot versus Character
Also check out these items from the Writer's Digest's collection:
Writer's Digest Elements Of Writing Fiction: Beginnings, Middles & Ends
Writer's Digest Elements Of Writing Fiction: Scene & Structure
Writer's Digest Elements Of Writing Fiction: Conflict, Action & Suspense
Writer's Digest Elements Of Writing Fiction: Description
Writer's Digest Elements Of Writing Fiction: Characters & Viewpoint
Writer's Digest Story Structure Architect
Writer's Digest No More Rejections
Writer's Digest Weekly Planner
Writer's Digest How to Land a Literary Agent (On-Demand Webinar)
Writer's Digest Magazine One-Year Subscription
Writer's Digest 10 Years of Writer's Digest on CD: 2000-2009