Worst Memoir Opening Line

You've been tasked with ghostwriting a memoir for an extremely unusual person. You come up with many opening lines to the book, but one of them you write as a joke just to amuse yourself at how absurd the person's story is. But now that person wants you to use that line. Share it below.
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You've been tasked with ghostwriting a memoir for an extremely unusual person. You come up with many opening lines to the book, but one of them you write as a joke just to amuse yourself at how absurd the person's story is. But now that person wants you to use that line. Share it below.

Post your response (500 words or fewer) in the comments below.

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