Epitaphs and food poisoning...

Author:
Publish date:

(But at least the meal was yummy!)her final words: "Don't eat the fish!"whereby she met an awful fate.where there's no danger of ptomaine.her fickle friend,destroyed poor Nancyin the end.thus endeth her ordeal--brought down by hands that weren't washed

Robert's post on epitaphs was quite timely for me, since I felt like I was at death's door most of the weekend. The doctor confirmed yesterday I had probably been debilitated by a food-born illness, confirming what I suspected from the minute the abdominal pains set in. I'm on two separate antibiotics now, which I'm sure are helping, but I think it will be a couple of days before I'm feeling like my old self. I'm still not sure of the actual source of the contamination or where I consumed it, which is the unnerving aspect of the whole gory incident.

I couldn't resist imagining what my family might have put on my tombstone had I succumbed to this vile ailment. Perhaps:

She died of an infected tummy.

***************************************

Done in by a tainted dish,

********************************************

"Mmmm!" she said, and cleaned her plate,

********************************************

She's passed on to a higher plane

Those are nice and economical (in more ways than one--epitaphs ain't cheap). However, I'm sure my loved ones would spring for something with a little more "substance":

Beloved food,

********************************************

Nancy lies beneath the sod,

before they fixed her meal.

Actually, I intend to be cremated, so the issue of what goes on my tombstone is moot. However, I noticed there's a growing trend toward cremation jewelry. Cool, maybe swag bags with a pendant for each person who attends my wake (with live music, ceili dancing, and flowing Guinness, please note)…

--Nancy