Epitaphs and food poisoning…

(But at least the meal was yummy!)her final words: “Don’t eat the fish!”whereby she met an awful fate.where there’s no danger of ptomaine.her fickle friend,destroyed poor Nancyin the end.thus endeth…

(But at least the meal was yummy!)her final words: "Don't eat the fish!"whereby she met an awful fate.where there's no danger of ptomaine.her fickle friend,destroyed poor Nancyin the end.thus endeth her ordeal--brought down by hands that weren't washed

Robert's post on epitaphs was quite timely for me, since I felt like I was at death's door most of the weekend. The doctor confirmed yesterday I had probably been debilitated by a food-born illness, confirming what I suspected from the minute the abdominal pains set in. I'm on two separate antibiotics now, which I'm sure are helping, but I think it will be a couple of days before I'm feeling like my old self. I'm still not sure of the actual source of the contamination or where I consumed it, which is the unnerving aspect of the whole gory incident.

I couldn't resist imagining what my family might have put on my tombstone had I succumbed to this vile ailment. Perhaps:

She died of an infected tummy.

***************************************

Done in by a tainted dish,

********************************************

"Mmmm!" she said, and cleaned her plate,

********************************************

She's passed on to a higher plane

Those are nice and economical (in more ways than one--epitaphs ain't cheap). However, I'm sure my loved ones would spring for something with a little more "substance":

Beloved food,

********************************************

Nancy lies beneath the sod,

before they fixed her meal.

Actually, I intend to be cremated, so the issue of what goes on my tombstone is moot. However, I noticed there's a growing trend toward cremation jewelry. Cool, maybe swag bags with a pendant for each person who attends my wake (with live music, ceili dancing, and flowing Guinness, please note)…

--Nancy

Robert Lee Brewer is Senior Editor of Writer's Digest, which includes managing the content on WritersDigest.com and programming virtual conferences. He's the author of 40 Plot Twist Prompts for Writers: Writing Ideas for Bending Stories in New Directions, The Complete Guide of Poetic Forms: 100+ Poetic Form Definitions and Examples for Poets, Poem-a-Day: 365 Poetry Writing Prompts for a Year of Poeming, and more. Also, he's the editor of Writer's Market, Poet's Market, and Guide to Literary Agents. Follow him on Twitter @robertleebrewer.