Q: How do I get out of writing a blurb for a friend's not-so-good self-published book?—Anonymous
A: Friends are always asking for favors—May I borrow your leaf blower? Will you watch my dog? Do you mind if I tell the police that we were together last Thursday just past midnight?
As a writer, you're susceptible to getting asked writerly favors from writerly friends, and often it puts you in an awkward predicament, just like when a friend asks you to write a blurb for his boring, poorly edited self-published book. You can't just flat-out say no—after all, it's a friend. But you obviously can't offer an endorsement to a book that isn't up to par, either.
What's a writer to do?
Thankfully, I've come up with a foolproof, 100% guaranteed-to-work "Guide to Getting Out of Book Blurbs" which provides five excellent options:
1. Fake an away message. Every time your friend e-mails the request, quickly send a response that says something like, "Thanks for your e-mail. I will be out of the country for an extended period of time and, unfortunately, they don't have the Internet in Zimbabwe."
2. Explain that you don't believe in book blurbs, but you're willing to take a picture of your hand giving the thumbs up.
3. Ask for outrageous favors in return. "Funny you should call looking for a book blurb, as I'm in a bit of a pickle myself. I need someone to act as a tackling dummy to help train my pet tiger. He keeps gnawing off arms. You free Friday?"
4. Offer to write it, but only under your pseudonym: Don Rita Thisbook.
5. Break your hand. (Just seeing how far you will go to get out of this—and if it's come down to option #5, that book must be bad.)
Of course, I hope you know I am kidding.
In all seriousness, the best way to politely turn down a friend's request for a book blurb on a not-so-good book is to be honest. Tell them you appreciate the thought, but you're uncomfortable being put in that situation. If they persist, explain your reservations about the book as nicely as you can. They shouldn't get mad. After all, if you had a friend who was an accountant and you asked him to sign off on your self-prepared tax return, he wouldn't do so unless he was comfortable with the numbers. You're a professional, too. Be sure to be treated like one.
But I suggest getting your leaf blower back first.
(Happy April Fools' Day!)
Brian A. Klems is the online managing editor of Writer’s Digest magazine.
Have a question for me? Feel free to post it in the comments section below or e-mail me at WritersDig@fwpubs.com with “Q&Q” in the subject line. Come back each Tuesday as I try to give you more insight into the writing life.