Why You Can’t Get a Flu Shot Excuse

You’re at the doctor’s office for a regular check up when the doctor suggests you get a flu shot as well. You hate shots, so you come up with the most outlandish excuse as to why you can’t get one. Start your story with “You’re not going to believe this, but … ” and end it with “And that’s why I can’t get a flu shot today.”

Post your response (500 words or fewer) in the comments below.

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138 thoughts on “Why You Can’t Get a Flu Shot Excuse

  1. lilliansdgva

    So one bright and shinning day, while I was in the middle of an epic boss battle in my most favorite video game, (The Last of Us) I get a call from the pharmacy telling me that (to be continued….)

  2. Scorpio

    “I can’t get the flu shot this year because I’m trying to thin out the old folks home I work at. Plus it makes my but swell up and not in a good way. So yeah, that’s why I can’t get the flu shot.”
    “Sir, You don’t work here.”

  3. Smileyface256

    Yet another response to a months old prompt. Enjoy!

    I watch in growing horror as the doctor takes out a syringe. He’s between me and the door. I slip off the bed and back into the corner. Suddenly I have a desperate plan. “Doc, I can’t get a flu shot today!”
    He raises his eyebrows.
    I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants. “If I do, it will react with my brain cells and you’ll have to cart me off to the INSANE ASYLUM!” I panic as he moves closer. “Don’t move! Stay where you are! If you get any closer I’ll go crazy!”
    “Calm down, you’re hyperventilating,” he says in that patronizing, calm tone.
    “I’m in full blown panic! I have a psychotic fear of needles! That’s why I can’t get a flu shot today!” I rip the plastic disposable sheet off the bed and hold it up as a shield, shaking with fear. “NO!!!” I scream as he takes another step toward me. The door behind him opens wide and a concerned nurse stands there. I see my chance and dive between the doctor’s legs, push past the nurse and book it out to my car. My heart doesn’t slow down until I pull into my garage. I’ll never go to a doctor again. I’d rather die at home, thank you.

  4. wdebraal

    You’re not going to believe this Doc, but I can’t get the flu shot or any other shot for that matter because… uh… this one time when I was in Las Vegas with my family my mother and I walked into her motel room where we discovered my father deceased from an apparent drug overdose. At first we thought that it must have been from the… uh… cocaine! My father had died face down atop a $50 Vegas Strip hooker in the middle of snorting a long line of coke off of her naked thigh… uh. Then we noticed the needles scattered about the floor, and the ones still full of… uh… heroin! Needles of heroin were still stuck in both my father and the working girl… uh… it must have been the heroin that killed them both. Anyways, my mother looked at me and said… demanded… “Son, you have to promise me right now that you will never snort anything and never ever stick a needle in your arm, ever!” What could I do Doc? I watched my mother hold back her tears and remain strong, so I promised her. Doc! I promised her. Well… uh… my mother was quite upset as you could imagine but she was handling it OK… uh… until the coroner came to take the bodies. When they lifted my father up onto a gurney and wheeled him off one of the detectives, who was there working the scene, yelled to his partner “Hey Joe, check out the size of that Johnson!” Apparently the working girl’s name was… uh… Jimmy! My mother who had been so strong and who would have probably agreed to amend my promise to her, allowing that I never snort or inject anything other than flue vaccination, gasped in horror as she looked down upon the manhood of the second deceased. Upon seeing this unnatural site she cried out and threw her hands up in anguish which… uh… caught her off balance and caused her to step backwards, right up onto an empty bottle of champagne. Have you ever been to a Lumberjack competition Doc? Have you ever seen a logger do the log roll? All I could say, as my mother unwittingly and clumsily rolled her way across the room and over the hand rail of that 16th story balcony, cementing the promise that I had made her with no hope of amendments now as she plummeted to her untimely death, was “Hey, does anybody have any hand sanitizer?” because that is about all I can do anymore to ward off the flu, and that is why I cannot get the flu shot.

  5. Joshua Alexander

    “You’re not going to believe this, but every time I get a flu shot, I go on a killing spree. It’s brutal doc. I mow down absolutely everything and everyone in my path. I’m not even aware when it happens. I wake up to find a trail of demise from the hospital to wherever I pass out. I don’t know how it happens either. Maybe there’s some sort of innate rage inside me that’s activated by the vaccine. Don’t think I’ve never seen THAT look before, doc. That’s the same look I received from the detectives and lawyers handling my cases. Yes, doc, plural. It’s happened more than once. Listen, for your own good, doc, let’s just pass on the flu shot. I like you and don’t want to kill you and that’s why I can’t get a flu shot today.”

  6. Midnight_Beauty

    You’re not going to believe this but I already had my flu shot for this year. I gave it to myself this morning. It turns out that it is a lot easier than I originally thought to develop a vaccination in a petri dish.

    Huh?

    Oh, the petri dish came from the science lab in at the university.

    Well, no I’m not a scientist, but I very well could be one. I’ve made some amazing medical discoveries that could change the way doctors treat patients for centuries!

    What’s that?

    Well, I can’t tell you those discoveries right now. I need to get them copywritten as my own.

    Don’t start on the scientific method and all of that legal stuff with me buddy! I’m telling you, I already got my shot.

    I’m not lying to you! Okay, so my story sounds a bit outragious. But I can prove it to you. I have a science lab and everything in my bathroom.

    Fine…the truth is…I can’t afford the shot.

    Things are really tough these days, and I need to choose between feeding my kids or taking…

    What? No! No thank you. I don’t need your charity Doc. I will work for what I need.

    My kids? Their names…um…John and Reba.

    Well, of course I’ve been pregnant! Why would I make something like that up?

    Look, just because you have my records on file doesn’t mean that I couldn’t have had a baby at home!

    I don’t HAVE to see a doctor doing a pregnancy….

    No, I’m not afraid of needles. Just don’t come near me…

    Alright! I confess! I’m in rehab right now. If you stick me with a needle, I’ll relapse. And that’s the truth. So you see doc, that’s why I can’t get a shot today.

  7. bugaboo2

    “You’re not going to believe this, but I do have a perfectly good reason why I cannot take a flu shot today, or ever for that matter.” I watched as what I said filtered into the doctor’s brain. This would have to be good; surely I was not the only patient that ever attempted to get out of a shot before. Who could blame me? I’m pretty positive that no other person had ever had a story like I was about to tell him explaining why I was, am, and always will be afraid of needles.

    Even sewing needles. Ugh…. I get goose bumps just thinking about them.

    He turned to look at me with a patronizing look on his face. “Ok, I’ll humor you for five minutes. Tell me your excuse to not have a flu shot?” He perched himself in his I’m-a-doctor-and-therefore-better-than-you swirly stool and looked at me very attentively. Either that or he was trying to make out his grocery list in his head, I couldn’t quite be sure. “Really,” he continued, with a smug grin on his face, “if you tell me a story I have never heard before, I won’t give you a shot.”

    “Well, you see, when I was little, my sister and I were playing volleyball over a tree limb in our back yard with a basketball…”

    “You were doing WHAT?”

    I glared at him. “Do you want to hear this or not?”

    He did that stupid little grin thing of his again. “Go on.”

    I really wanted to rip his mustache off.

    “Ok, while we were playing she dislocated her finger. Since the same thing had happened to me a year before and I had to have my finger re-broken because the doc did not set my finger so it grew back wrong and they had to break it. So I popped hers back into joint and told her she’d thank me later.”

    “How does this pertain to needles?”

    “Oh, after her finger popped back she got this bump on the top of her finger that hurt. We thought it was an insect bite. My mom finally took her to the doctor a month later when she could not move it anymore. They did an x-ray and almost called DHR. A sewing needle was stuck in her finger! They said it must have been attached to the bone and we knocked it off so it started to come out.”

    “That is a very unique story.” He was moving around behind me and I could not see what he was doing.

    “Yes, it is …” a burst of pain in my arm cut me off. I looked up to see the doc grinning at me while applying a band aid.

    “Unfortunately for you, your sister was here this morning.”

    I mumbled the rest of my sentence, even though it was too late, “and that’s why I can’t get a flu shot today.”

  8. pkmccord

    “Doctor, you’re not going to believe this, but I actually WANT that flu shot. DESPERATELY. I hate being sick and there is NOTHING I’d love more right now than if you jammed that needle in and pumped me so full of vaccine that my eyes change color.”

    I pause for dramatic effect, taking a deep breath. “And if I didn’t care so much about national security – about my family’s safety and your safety and YOUR family’s safety – I’d let you. But for their sake and yours, Doctor, we NEED me to get that flu.”

    Ignoring her decidedly unpatriotic eye roll, I keep going, voice picking up speed as the BS engine chokes once and begins to purr. “The truth is – and I’m trusting you that this facility’s secure – I’m actually part of an elite military unit, about to infiltrate a hospital camp in Central America. I can’t be more specific than that. There’s a “doctor” who runs the place – and let me just say right now, this bastard is a brown stain on a noble profession, and I’m personally ashamed and offended on your behalf! – who just HAPPENS to moonlight as the most prolific and deadly arms dealer on the black market today. We’ve tried to bring him in six times, but he’s too smart. His only vulnerability is that clinic, and planting a “patient” – that’s me – is our last shot at closing him down. I need an infection that’ll lay me up long enough to carry out my mission without totally incapacitating me. We’re not talking about faking a cough to stay home from school, here. If he doesn’t believe I’m on the verge of death, our mission fails and God help us all, ma’am, God help us ALL.” I make my best wide-eyed, earnest, WW1 doughboy face and cross myself, momentarily forgetting I’m Jewish.

    “I’ve been blowing my nose with used Kleenex for weeks…sitting outside at night in my underwear, licking doorknobs, sucking on loose change, speeding up the process however I can. If we vaccinate me now, it’ll be the mission and democracy down the toilet instead of my lunch. And that’s why I can’t get a flu shot… not today.”

    I jump down off the exam table, grab my jacket and reach for the doorknob, pausing for a second to consider the dramatic impact of licking it. Nah… too much, too much. Overselling it. Instead, I turn and add – in as reassuringly ominous a tone as possible – “By the way, I’ll be sending over some confidentiality forms for you to sign later… you know, just for your own safety. I really shouldn’t have told you this much.”

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