PUNch Out

You’re in an epic pun off; whit is spewing out of your mouth and your opponent’s mouth with punishing purpose. What are some sweet puns you could use to really wipe the smile off your opponent’s face? Make sure not to frown on the worst of puns either—they’re all beautiful. Write this scene and battle of puns.

Post your response (500 words or fewer) in the comments below.

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493 thoughts on “PUNch Out

  1. Augie

    I avoided this all week because I suck at puns. I’m not proud of this.

    The mobster’s argue about the prompt as a police officer pulls them over.

    “You got ta be kidding me! Wese still stuck width da puns? What da heck is a pun anyway?”

    Mo slaps Tony in the back of the head, “Stupid, it’s a phrase like ‘Military Intelligence!”

    Tony slaps Mo back, “stupid, dat’s an oxymoron, not a pun!”

    The officer approaches the car, “Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?”

    Mo gets excited, “Ooo, Oooo, me first! Is dis a multiple choice question officer?”

    The officer backs up, “uhh, sure,”

    “Is it da stiff in da trunk? Tony wacked em with an axe!”

    Tony defends himself, “Sir, dat was an axident! Now he knows dares mortal life den gambling!”

    The officer shakes his head, “What? You two have a stiff in your trunk?”

    Tony and Mo blush looking at their laps, “Uhh, sorry officer, on our way ta Viagra falls.

    Mo slaps Tony, “stupid, I know why he pulled us over! Its da booze we have hidden under da back seat!”

    Tony agrees and faces the officer, “Yea, da boss said transporting da Molotov cocktails in da trunk would be too whisky, so we put dem under da back seat.”

    The officer calls his supervisor as Tony and Mo continue guessing.

    “Ohhhhh! I know why ya pulled us over! You must be looking for LA! Well, we didn’t steal it! I swear!”

    The officer smiles, “LA? What are you saying?”

    Tony explains, “ya see, we were supposed ta drop off da assault rifles in da trunk to cousin Vinney in LA. Just as we got close, da sign said, Los Angeles – LEFT. “

    Mo giggles, “ Only cousin Vinney could steal an entire city!”

    The officer shouts, “I pulled you over for speeding sir!”

    Mo slaps Tony, “Stupid! I told you ta stay out of da drugs we got stashed with da whisky!”

    The police supervisor arrives and approaches the officer. “What is going on here?”

    The officer shouts, “well, they have a dead man, drugs, assault rifles, Molotov’s, and apparently their cousin Vinney stole Los Angeles!”

    Just as the supervisor approaches the car, Mo realizes they are in the godfathers car and slaps Tony in the back of the head.

    “Stupid, we took da wrong car!”

    The supervisor searches the car and approaches the officer, “ Are you out of our mind? I didn’t find anything in this vehicle!”

    Tony laughs, “ Mr. supervisor, its obvious dat he is a liar! He probably told you we were speeding too!”

      1. Augie

        Thanks! So far my favorite story of these guys journey is the ‘Captain off deck’ I can see in my head these two idiots riding torpedoes! Thanks again!


    Here’s a bit of Writersdigest.com Trivia. This is the oldest prompt posted.

    Three Wishes
    Categories: Creative Writing Prompts.
    July 6, 2011 | Brian A. Klems | Comments: 13

    You bump into a genie and she offers to grant you three wishes. What are your wishes and why?
    Post your response (500 words or fewer) in the comments below.

    1. Jay "The Doc" Wilson

      I’m glad the prompts leaned more toward writing than answering silly essay questions. Although, I often don’t stick with the prompt as close as I should (I’m Rebel Wilson… not to be confused with the strange European actress), I’m glad they actually give us a real prompt rather than a quiz now.

      1. k.spicer

        I agree Jay. Your writing is beyond the prompt quota anyway. Your style and quality demands more than a 500 word limit. If I had your skill as a word smith I would leave the quota behind myself. I try to stick to it because my writing tends to have a lot of fat in it and the word count helps me to trim it down…if I had the skill level you have I wouldn’t worry about it. You can write a 2,000 word scene and it will be lean and mean. Keep up the good work as an example to people like myself who are striving to improve.

    2. DMelde

      Well, better late than never to post a response I suppose.


      First off, I wish I had more time to write, and having said that, I wish my writing were of a higher caliber. The following story is a reenactment of a true story that may or may not have happened. Probably never did…

      FADE IN


      A YOUNG BOY with cowlick hair is parading down the street. In his hands he carries a sign on a stick. The sign reads OSCAR MEYER. The young boy is joyously singing at the top of his lungs.

      Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener,
      that is what I truly want to bee-eee-eee.
      “Cause if I were an Oscar Meyer wiener,
      everyone would be in love with me!

      A crowd of HUNGRY ADULTS rush past the young boy. They stop in front of the hot dog stand. The young boy watches as the hungry adults quickly devour all of the hot dogs. Stunned, the young boy GULPS and he slowly turns around. He quietly walks back the way he came, singing in a more hushed tone.

      Oh, I’m glad I’m not an Oscar Meyer wiener,
      That is what I’d truly hate to bee-eee-eee.
      ‘Cause if I were an Oscar Meyer wiener,
      there would soon be nothing left…of….me.

      FADE OUT

      1. jhowe

        What did I just read? Whatever it was, I enjoyed it. The reenactment of the true story that probably didn’t happen was quite clever and read like a script of how a young boy would possibly react to this situation if it actually existed. You still have one more wish. Funny stuff.

          1. Jay "The Doc" Wilson

            Well, either the narrator or DMelde got two in the intro ‘graph, and then the young boy got one in his song’s first verse. So… who are we rooting to get more wishes here? lol I don’t think either of them finished all of their wishes.

      2. MCKEVIN

        Dmelde, I get it and you stayed true to both the oldest and the newest prompts. The screenplay format takes it to a whole other level for me. Good one. I “wish” you would publish a larger piece. Now let’s see if my genie is listening. Lol.


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