Late-for-Work Excuse

You’re late for work because you overslept, but your boss hates over-sleepers. He does love entertaining stories, so create the most outlandish excuse as to why you were late.

Post your response (500 words or less) in the comments below.

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5 thoughts on “Late-for-Work Excuse

  1. georgeee

    How I love to tell-tale about my getting late!

    “What?!???” it was 08.30 and I just woke up. Quickly jumping into pants and my neck and right arm halfway through a topper, I am combing my hair and the tooth paste fell on the ground as I tried to squeeze it out on a toothbrush. Ouch! Hundreds of pieces of hair got entangled in the brush. And the tap water was chilly. I switched on the geyser and couldn’t wait for the water to warm up, and was splashing my face with ponds green facewash and that chilly water. A dab of perfume and the quick moisturiser, I quickly put on my watch (it’s 08.37), and one last look into the mirror, I try my best to not see the rumpled hair.
    As I head to the road in search of an auto, my mind sets off to come up with a good excuse. I have already given him some eight stories, and some five of them had worked real well. They should, with me working for a creative writing column for the top magazine of Delhi, if I cannot come up with a good, doable excuse that can save me from shame as I reach the office, shame on me. My boss hates late-comers. But who doesn’t get late? I have been working at this place for two and a half year now, and have seen dozens of people being berated and shouted at, and two employees have been chucked out of their jobs for not coming up with a nice excuse. Everybody in the office hates me, is jealous of me. The boss hardly ever looks at me sceptically. He has thought that I actually had a cousin over one night, and we spent the night watching a movie and eating pizza. I realised he doesn’t try too hard on my stories because like that time, I add something for his benefit. Knowing how much he loves pizza, I stopped at a dominoes outlet, even knowing that I was getting late, just to get a pizza for him. But the pizza got eaten almost three-fourths by the hungry colleagues before it could reach his office (who needs to know what a big appetite I have!)
    You have to keep a track of all the stories. Some people can fill the gap and speak about it to the boss. Though I am sure the boss who hates late-comers never really would catch me by a mistake in the facts of my tales. Because I really am careful. Like one day, a witty person said that it was his sister’s birthday and a few months ago told that he has a brother whom he had to drop to college, and added to give the story a wholesome look, that he is the only sibling he has, ah!
    Also, the boss likes to be praised and reminded that he is ‘lovable’ to all of us. A word he likes to listen in every excuse. How can he even believe it, being our boss, I mean! Doesn’t he know how the relationship goes? So, when I told him it was my father’s fiftieth birthday, and the flower shop doesn’t open before nine, and who greets their parents on their half century on phone, he relaxed. Knowing he is about to be celebrating his fiftieth in the next month, I added, I mean people don’t wish their lovable bosses (oxymoron!) on phone for the special day let alone their dads’! He seemed delighted to hear that. The hard part doesn’t get over. Then I had to add one more thing in the things-to-do-with/for-my-boss (please don’t read too much into the title. I spend lots of my creative outlet in important stuff like these, that I have no energy left to come up with sensible names for silly lists that keeps adding on due to my own desire to never leave a loophole in any story and then bribe my colleagues to keep their mouth shut). On the top of the list is ‘kill him’, the latest was ‘present him a bouquet on his fiftieth.’ With that, I had to check the date and add it to my calendars. And that was one day when I actually speared myself on my own feet when I had to wake up quite early. Ugh.
    I weighed my options. Two stories were taking place in my head. The auto took a left. It was 8.52am. I’ll reach by 8.56. From where could I be coming? The spa is ten minutes from here. The time to reach the office that would please the boss is 8.30am. That leaves six minutes work at spa. What kind of work? I no where near look to being in even a parlour. I haven’t bathed today. Hm. The auto stopped. I walked the corridor of my office like a person guilty of murder. The colleagues looked at me with a raised brow, a demonous laugh, a wicked smile, a let-see-what-you’ll-come-up-with-today look, a sympathetic smile, and a thumbs-up sign. I passed the glass door of the boss to reach the desk to sign in the register. I skipped a glance into his office. He was on phone. Looked furious. He did not look at me. I heaved a sigh of relief but somewhere a lost excuse weighed me down. Now I can use this some other time only when I reach at 8.56. Generally I get even more late. A tilted my head and signed in the register. Just before me a colleague signed and timed it 8.54. And this was the person who’ll come up with sad stories, stories like a break up (which doesn’t really work well with the boss or bosses, in general), but he can’t help it. Those never really are excuses. They are actually the real reasons for his late-coming. Once he said he had been in traffic, which tops the list of lamest excuses, and was on number two in excuses for kindergarten kids-don’t ever use it at your job book. Yes, I have to keep myself updated. I am not ashamed of flicking through such articles at a magazine stand, or buying books titled late? You boss would love you if your excuse is: from flipkart. We have a kind of competition going around at the office. And I am winning. And taking an advantage of your unnoticiability by the boss for excusing from making an excuse is not my cup of tea.
    I heard him stomp down the receiver. I went into his office. ‘Good morning, sir!’ And a smile. He hates people having a good time when he is sad. And I use this weakness. ‘Yes? Why are you so happy? You are late for about half an hour. Why?’ Hm. ‘Sir, I reached here at 8.30. Then I remembered about the client form China and the big merger with their magazine today. I realised I need to look presentable for that, and knowing the scorching summers, without a trip to the parlour, one cannot. So I took a ride towards the nearest spa, where I have chatted up with your wife a couple of times earlier, and when I was there, I thought I’ll ask your daughter to accompany me. She has her prom night tomorrow, isn’t it? So after waiting for five minutes there, I came back, since I could not reach her cellphone and I know you don’t like to be disturbed for such stuff on call. So, can you call her for me and ask if she would like to be pampered with oils and beauty products and stuff?’ The competitor, one of my colleagues, whom we have nicknamed ‘SistaEmul’ for her emulous nature, heard with wide eyes my story through the opened door and looked baffled. I really would have fallen from my chair, had I been sitting on it, by looking at her expression. The boss considered it. The daughter and I do get together and had come to know her due to one of my other pranks a year ago. Later about that. The daughter being younger to me, obviously I would pay for the facial and stuff, and I are sure she must have been tugging on his sleeves for some extra bucks for the prom night. So the boss quickly agreed and called her up and told her to come to office in an hour.
    As I walked back to my seat, I gave a raised eyebrow, a mocking tongue, and a cheerful smile to whoever I passed. I am not stupid, like you would think. Or like most of the people here think. I got to work for an hour there, as I waited for the young girl, and then I got almost a day off (you know how much time does the waiting at spa take? And the facial, bleach, manicure, pedicure, waxing and stuff that one needs to get done if you are passing out from your school? Looking beautiful that day is like telling all the bitches you hated and the guys you stalked that look! I rock! And plus, the amount of beautiful I need to look for the big thing for the company would require some time as well, isn’t it?) I let my colleagues believe I am a douche, but see, and be privileged that I am disclosing how these stories work to you. I got to go to the parlour (a thumbs up), I had to pay for the little girl( a thumbs down), I got some three to four hours off(a thumbs up), without any loss in pay (a thumbs up), the pay of three hours totally compensate the payment of the spa for the young lady, and half of mine (yeah, I am well off), and at the end of the day, I was looking good, and got a step higher in the competition with my colleagues! The pleasure of the last in the list surpasses all, I tell you. Also, I had to go to the spa anyway, anybody could tell. Now I could use my weekend watching a movie with my boyfriend instead of being in a spa all day. Also, I get to chat up with the boss’s daughter, who is petty sweet; unlike a stereotypical urban school-going girl, she is not very bitchy, if I take a light-hearted view of her father. We do not discuss her father. Never. That’s the only way we can be on friendly terms.
    That’s how I survived and enjoyed that day being late! And got an off for three hours in place of being late for half an hour! There is no downside of it, believe me. And unlike the guy who gave an excuse of witnessing an accident, and had to take the injured guy to the hospital, he raised himself in the social service context, but in the end, his story is a sad one. I make happy excuses, which do not make me feel sad anyhow! Just that I am lying might hurt my conscience a little, but when I saw myself in mirror that day at 5 pm, just before the bid deal, the conscience pushed itself back. Also, I would rather lie than lose my job that pay me well enough to support my spa-appointments! 😉

  2. jimbob151

    Paul Olson finally had a night off. He had been moonlighting for three months, the extra job was winding down and he didn’t have to go to that second job. He had been averaging over 100 hours a week plus commute time for those three months and was tired of burning the candle at both ends. He stopped on the way for a takeout sandwich, drove home, went directly to bed, started eating and fell asleep halfway through it. He lived in a tiny apartment in Beverly Hills, possibly the smallest apartment in Beverly Hills. The apartment building was actually half in Beverly Hills and half in Los Angeles. Some of the tenants called it “Barely Hills”, but the mailing address was Beverly Hills so you had the cachet of a fancy address. He wrote to everyone he knew so that they could see that he was living in such a posh area. His apartment was one of the two they called, “The Caves”, a huge wall of ivy surrounded the entrance path (more like a tunnel) and they received little if any daylight. He never saw his cave neighbor in the six months that he lived there. He could not help noticing that day as he dragged himself into his abode that they had trimmed the hedge almost to nothing and he had plenty of elbow room now, no more brushing against the ivy on the occasional damp California dawn.
    Paul awoke with a start and panicked when he saw that it was 10:30 and his apartment was lit up as never before! His supervisor had only approved this moonlighting if it did not interfere with his regular job and now he had blown it. He jumped up, ran to the shower, shaving with one hand and brushing his teeth with the other. He dressed fast, and when he went out the door, he saw that it was dark out. Apparently he had mistaken the light from an outside street lamp as daylight, as he had never seen any light from outside before, because the bushes were so dense-as was he apparently at this moment. He was freshly showered and shaved and still hungry so he decided to go out and have a healthy meal. He went to the nearest deli-not hard to find in that neighborhood-and had a crisp chef’s salad, iced tea and a few packs of crackers. He didn’t think about having all that caffeine at 11 o’clock at night but it was refreshing so he had two. When he got back home, he cleaned up the crumby mess in his bed from his half eaten sandwich and proceeded to watch TV until the wee hours before he fell back to sleep.
    He awoke again with a start, the clock said 10:30 and he was sure this time that it was probably 10:30 A.M. This time he decided to call in to work and set up a preliminary excuse which he promised to complete upon arrival. His original excuse was that he just plain overslept. He arrived at work about 11:30 AM; he had skipped the shower, just shaved and brushed his teeth. He invited his supervisor to lunch so that he could explain in detail his strange evening without wasting any valuable work time. He thought of offering to work through lunch as a partial payback, but he saw that as too transparent and for some reason he was still hungry. After telling the tale his boss just laughed, commented that he could not have made that up, and said that it was not a problem. He liked Paul, he had an excellent record of being on time and was very productive, so he just told him to forget about it, but he hasn’t yet. It’s been 35 years and I still remember it as if it were yesterday.

  3. kevinbalboa

    Lateness is always an issue with me and everyday I have to come up with some lame excuse of why I was late.
    Today was no different. As I went to punch in my boss scolded me for being late and I of course gave him my lame excuse
    “You’re late again smithers so what’s the story this this? Come on let me hear it.
    “ I was about to leave but when I opened the front door there were two jewel thieves and they were trying to steal any jewels they could find. I told them that I had no jewels. But they were not deterred and they forced their way into my home. They held a gun to my point and they made me get something to eat.
    “Hey we are hungry do you by chance have food to eat? We are starving.”
    “I can get you something, but you’ll have to pay me afterwards because I do have work and such”
    “Say what how about give you something of this”(pointing his gun at me)?
    “Yeah we do not want to make mess of this place. So if were you I would fix us something at this moment.”
    “Well what do you want?”
    “Do you think you can make us nachos dipshit?”
    “Yes I can make you nachos.”
    “Well go make it then; remember we can always give you this.” (pointed the gun again).
    I made them nachos and since they were I could not come to work.
    “You see boss the jewel thiefs made me do it.”
    “Boy that’s the most absurd excuse I have heard. Now get to work.”
    “Right away boss

  4. BSantiago

    “Oh my gosh! I am so sorry I was late this morning but you wouldn’t believe what happened. You know I have to catch the train to get here, right? So, the train was packed as usual and this midget, excuse me, little person, pulls out a gun and tells everyone to get down on the ground! Surely, I thought I was gonna die! I mean I’m just trying to get to work, you know? So, we all duck down to the ground and we’re lying there for awhile… and then this security rent a cop tackles him to the ground, mind you, the train is no longer moving at this point, and he drags the little guy off the train and he shouts as he’s being dragged out, “Did you like being below eye level to my ass? A taste of my world baby!” and the doors shut. So then, after that weird scare for my life, the train starts moving again. We finally get like two stops away and the train stops…wouldn’t you know there was a family of monkey’s that escaped from the zoo in the tunnel? Like, swinging on the pipes and throwing poop everywhere. We had to wait for them to clean up all the crap that was everywhere…and so, here I am, finally.”

    “All that happened to make you 10 minutes late?”

    “Yeah! Thank goodness I left my house really early, right?” I said.

  5. Bloodyninja87

    Well, I was on my way to work when all of a sudden a semi truck hit a street light and it started to fall towards my car. Just when I thought I was going to crushed the auto bots lead by optimums prime came and saved me from my near death experience! However when I thought everything was going to be okay the semi truck that hit light post turned out to be a decepticon! He and the auto bots began to engage in battle, destroying the roadway and buildings around up! Thankful I was able to get to safety thanks to bumblebee who, once the cost was clear brought me to work and that’s why I wasn’t here on time sir.


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