Eggnog Regret

After drinking a few too many eggnogs at your annual holiday party, you wake up the next morning realizing you did some things you now regret. Write an e-mail to your boss that will ensure you still get a raise next year.

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2 thoughts on “Eggnog Regret

  1. frpzzd

    Dear Mr. Rozario,

    I would like to write this letter as a grateful thanks for the wonderful holiday party last week, but I have also heard through my email that you are going to fire me by friday of this week.

    I apologise for spilling eggnog on your new suit during the celebration, but in my defense, the table was wobbly, and my socks are very slippery on polished wood surfaces as all Izod socks are, and I would also like to notify you that I am absolutely willing to pull out the nails that I have used to nail my own pants to the wall with and place the picture back where in was in that spot.

    I think in would be proper to address the countless containers of spilled blueberry yogurt that now litter the office. I will use my own money to hire a professional to clean in up, or do so myself, and as for the emails that you may be recieving every second that are all containing some sort of pictoral representation of toilet paper, I believe that you may need a new email, for that is now out of my power.

    I have many more apologies to write, some containing an apology for filling all of the water tanks with… well, with my own urine. Another apology may address my licking your laptop and getting electrocuted.

    I shall not write these apologies, and before you fire me, may I remind you that I was not the person that suggested to break out the eggnog, and you suffered from the experience as much as I did. In fact, since I have written you an apology, I believe that I deserve one myself about things like you slapping me with a goldfish and cracking eggs over my head.

    Sincerely,
    Mitchell Saley

  2. RAndersenAuthor

    What a rocking holiday party! Wow! Who would have thought that Sheila, that mousy woman from HR without a sense of humor, would spike that gigantic bowl of eggnog with three quarts of rum?

    I have heard through the grapevine that I might have said, or done, a few things which were…um…questionable…as far as company policy goes. Threatening to moon the VP of Finance if he didn’t give me a thousand dollars in the next five minutes probably wasn’t one of my finest moments.

    Also, regardless of what I might have said at the party, your wife is lovely. She is by no means a gorilla-faced gold-digger. I must have confused your wife for my backstabbing ex-sister-in-law in my drunken haze.

    As for Mitch in Accounting, well…I’ve already written an apology, and the basket of muffins will arrive promptly tomorrow morning at eight.

    I sincerely hope that my actions won’t affect my standing within the company, especially if I promise to avoid all beverages that may or may not be offered at future company functions.

    P.S. I’d be happy to discuss this over drinks sometime if you have any further concerns.

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