Am I Allowed to Send That Email?: Author-Empowering Etiquette When Dealing With Agents and Editors

Confession: I’m an internet lurker. I love scrolling Threads and Reddit about publishing, mostly without engaging. I want to see where the drama is. I want to see what the most common questions and concerns are. And I lowkey want to see if what I think is what other people think, or why maybe it’s not.

(Here for the Vibes.)

This is how I came to the early realization that writers are waaaaaaaay too deferential to agents and editors in publishing. So many of the questions writers share are about whether or not what they are experiencing is “normal” and most of the answers boil down to: You should just ask! So why are writers often so hesitant to ask for the answers to basic questions?

Agents of a certain “caliber” or authors or franchises are put on a pedestal. Agents or editors who have/had high engagement on Twitter social media (I’ll call it X when the sun freezes) are talked about like they are the ultimate authority in what is otherwise an incredibly subjective and nuanced industry. Writers often express their fear to approach agents because agents are a big deal.

And perhaps some agents have given the impression that they are that big of a deal, that they can’t be bothered to answer an email or explain a process and that clients who have questions or needs are too much work and just need to be dropped. Agents are not that big of a deal. They’re just people doing a job. No one has ordained them. There are no gods in publishing. And every author has the right to know what is going on with their project, their manuscript, their subrights, etc.

To be clear, I don’t mean that the inverse is true, that authors have the right to be rude, condescending, unreasonably demanding, or manipulative. Arguably no one is that big of a deal. Agents and editors, on the whole, work incredibly hard to do good work for their authors, and most of the time, the question folks want to ask is a routine question to answer. What traditional publishing is typically asking for, from everyone, is mostly professionalism.

Would you send an email with the same tone to a boss, coworker, or your colleague? What is a reasonable turnaround time? Are you expecting your agent to be a hardworking professional or a magician, fortuneteller, mental health professional, or publisher? This is a good litmus test. If your questions and expectations seem perfectly reasonable, ask! And better yet, it’s well within your rights to clarify, express concern, and make additional requests.

The answers you receive should be equally clear and considerate. We may not always like the answers we get (there’s no fun way to tell an author their manuscript isn’t selling), but we can give and receive them with the basic understanding that the person on the other side of the screen is a human.

Yes, you should ask publishing for not just professionalism but also humanity.

I’ve held hands with strangers at conferences when they’re nervous. I tell people to read straight from their paper instead of reciting it from memory (does anyone still expect that??). I’ve done breathing exercises with writers who were anxious about the clock at a timed pitching event. Full disclosure: My sun sign is Cancer. My threshold for holding the squishiness of people’s feelings and the emotional weight of an author’s beloved and hard-won work in my hands is perhaps exceptionally high. But I don’t believe that should be an exception.

Publishing doesn’t exist without the author. Authors have as much right to be heard, seen, and advocated for as anyone else within this ecosystem. Authors should never be afraid to just ask.

Hey, have you received this email? Have you gotten to my manuscript yet? Where am I in your queue? What is the status of my submission?

Normal, normal, normal. An agent or editor who cannot answer basic questions is perhaps not the one you want to be working with in the first place. So, professionally, ask your questions. Make your requests. Expect kind responses.

In an age where we are constantly on edge about which of us is going to be replaced with robots or when, it is the very least we can do for each other.

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Margaret DankoAuthor

Margaret Danko is a multi-faceted agent, highly skilled at representing both fiction and nonfiction titles. Her clients include environmental scientists, high-ranking government officials, CEOs, groundbreaking journalists, spiritual leaders, culture makers, and award-winning novelists. She is passionate about projects that encourage readers to view themselves and the world around them in a new light. Margaret is an expert at coaching authors from manuscript to finished book. As her clients can attest, she is uniquely gifted at helping authors stay confident, energized, and focused throughout the publishing process. She takes great pride in empowering authors to find the voice and the story that will engage and inspire each and every person who picks up their book. Margaret began her career as the editor of Temple University’s TINGE Magazine and worked as an author coach, developmental editor, and agency administrator before becoming a full-time agent at the Irene Goodman Literary Agency. She has appeared in Writer's Digest and participates in WD's 2nd Draft editorial & critique program. She holds an MFA in Creative Writing from Temple University and B.A. in Creative Writing, Archaeology and Anthropology from Oberlin College and studied under renowned authors such as Liz Moore, Dan Chaon, and Don Lee. Originally a Georgia native, she now lives in New Jersey with her husband, son, and two cats, working fastidiously in her free time to keep her plants alive and her cabinets full of tea.