Wayfarer

This topic contains 5 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Anonymous 11 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #346518

    Anonymous

    One tempestuous night, driven perforce
    the wayfarer, intrepid, sets upon his course

    Leaving behind many treasures unseen
    from all Earthly lusts, he hath weaned

    Sparing thought for neither yester nor morrow
    his heart hath room for neither angst nor sorrow

    At one with the unruly sea that roars
    with unending patience, the wayfarer rows

    When the haze finally rises, revealing a distant shore
    the world shall need to know him … nevermore

  • #654643

    Anonymous

    Nice.

    My ear says it should be set not sets on the course. Maybe the grammar police can enlighten me as to correct usage.
    Not clear why the distant shore is not part of the world too making the ending confusing.

  • #654644

    Anonymous

    Thanks for the feedback.

    I think “sets” is correct because of the tense used overall. It is consistent with “rows” (as opposed to “rowed”) and hath (has). It is intended to sound like it is happening as you read, as opposed to an account of something that happened in the past. Hope this makes sense.

    About the ending, … that’s also quite intentional … it is open to multiple interpretations 🙂 It has a deeper meaning than is obvious from the words read literally.

  • #654645

    Anonymous

    The rythem is good, the beat is important though, and is consistent until the last line. I suggest moving the word ‘nevermore’ to its own last line.
    Not an expert but for me it reads a beat short as written.

  • #654646

    Anonymous
    lifeontherun wrote:
    The rythem is good, the beat is important though, and is consistent until the last line. I suggest moving the word ‘nevermore’ to its own last line.
    Not an expert but for me it reads a beat short as written.

    ===========
    Did not notice that originally but the penultimate line seems too long and the final one too short. Although they average the lengths out well.

  • #654647

    Anonymous

    deddmann and lifeontherun: Thank you guys !

    dedmann, you make a good observation. I never noticed that the penultimate (great word) line was too long and the last one too short. Now that I look at it, it’s true.

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