April 24, 2018 at 11:26 pm #346939
Room, Silence, Kiss, and Death
We are going to take a piece of paper and create something on it. What should we begin with? She was thinking. Closed her eyes to get better knowledge of the content of her mind. She was breathing slowly and calm. And yet, not a single word came out of her mouth. She opened her eyes and looked at him with a half of a smile. Moments later she turned her head away and laughed silently. When he asked her again, what was she thinking she just raised her eyebrows and smiled. Sometimes it seemed that her smile had more to say than she could. She was sending him signals with her hauntingly beautiful eyes, and the silence in the room became sound itself. It looked like she was looking at the computer screen, but there is a chance that she was looking into the depths of the universe, concentrating her mind on one, unidentified object, which her thoughts were circulating around. “What could it be?”, he though to himself…
She was looking back at him. It seemed that she just came back from a trip, that her mind took on its own. After a short moment, she faced the wall. Empty wall, just like the empty silence in the room… No music in the background, no words, just two hearts beating in the same space, without a sound. Slowly she left the bed and came sit next to him, just to go away again. Although this time, she lay back in bed being more further away from him. Slowly, by every minute in this world, people are going away from each other, by thoughts and words. Slowly, but surely, she started to realize how the reality and the silence was not worth her time, so she went back into the digital – social place, where she was the queen. It was her personal, private kingdom, de-attached from the actual reality, from the loud silence, and meaningful words. She gazed at the phone without any facial expressions. Her face language was louder than the empty words that might come out of any individual. He made an empty, but positive comment about her nose, and either she liked it or not, it put honest smile on her face. That particular smile was the most honest and most realistic sign of the existence for this real girl. We could give her a name, but what name fits the silence? What fits the silence? She didn’t have an idea… What’s an idea? Idea could be a kiss. Short or long one… Kisses and life choices usually depend on the mood, she said. She had smile, although the music didn’t play. Is going nowhere, still going somewhere? These questions can be potentially thoughts in her head, which she does not ask. “Would you rather be a beggar of anything or king of nothing?”, he asked her. She didn’t know. For some reason her face lied… Her eyes lied to. She knew the answer, but only she. It is two people sitting in the room. Well, she is on the bed and the guy is sitting against the wall. She closed her eyes, but she does not sleeping. She is pretending to sleep. What else is she pretending to do? Maybe she did pretend when she said about the kisses… or the food? At the end, there are two people in one room, with the sharp silence that is above all. She hides her face in to the bed…but just for the moment, because the queen of the digital world needs to update her digital kingdom. Reality of the today is an illusion for tomorrow and death for yesterday. In the very end, inevitable will come, and one will be in eternal silence until the end will end.
She managed to have a conversation. Short one. He asked if he could write more. She said yes. Writing is like talking with your mouth being shut. It’s like looking at the photo and be able to travel without leaving the room. The room… Where two people still are. Neither of them left. She still was in her digital kingdom. It makes him wonder, what the digital kingdom has that reality doesn’t have. Maybe there, one can be judged free, can be smart , look good… Where one can be powerful than the others, where one can be superior. Where SHE can be the Queen! It’s a little fragment of reality, little piece of heaven where the blue dead skies has more essence than the two people in the room. Room is not white, skies are not blue, and everything is an illusion, where people decide to live. What if we all could leave… What if? The two of them will not leave the room. The reality of the room is different from the reality outside the room. She was still in her kingdom, without a chance of coming back. She did smile, but he will not know if that smile said “hey”, or “everything is a lie, but you accepting it anyways”. We could do so much with our time, but no one will leave the room. Not only them two. No one wants to leave a room. Some did, and nobody knows where they are now. Leaving the room is the accepting the real reality, beyond the reality that one is living currently.
She was playing with her hair. She told him that she did not shower. Why would she? She ain’t leaving the room anytime soon. Furthermore, she never left the room before. She still smiled at him, but just for few seconds. But it is fine. She doesn’t have to leave the room, because her smile for him was like a fresh zip of air. Fresh sight of early dawn. Silence everywhere. She was kind. Early in the morning she might leave the room, but he doesn’t know that yet. She made a trip from the bed to kiss him. Wait..! Was that a long or short kiss? How long is long? How short is long? Maybe for him it was long, but for her was short. What if for her it was the eternity, and for him only a split of second, where he was able to catch the smell of her beauty. Why he is thinking and trying to define the experience. Wouldn’t be way better just to feel that kiss again? In this reality, pleasant memories and experiences and biggest punishment. It is addictive, because one gets it one time and wants more… But nobody has more. There are no more kisses, no more smiles, and no more room. Just the silence. Don’t be afraid, because only the silence is eternal. Love, kisses, and all the remaining sufferings will end.
The room was filled with air that nobody was breathing. He wanted to kiss her. She was done playing with her thoughts. She had cards. No, not magical ones… Although, she could. She was magical and everything she touched was magic. But what is magic? An illusion.. Magic is life. Magic is the room… An illusion. He looked at what she was doing with the cards. She was playing. A game. A game that could represent a spell of life. It could represent a long walk on the beach. Their walk on the beach. Where she would grab him by the hand and say: “This is the farthest I will go with you…” Then face the water and start walking towards the waves. He could stop her. He could grab her arm. He tried.. His feet was stuck in the sand, although he was standing on solid ground. There was no sand, but he was stuck in it. She was going deeper and deeper. He tried to shout, but just the sharp silence came out of his lungs. He couldn’t see her anymore, but she was still there. There is a solid ground beneath the ocean… She wasn’t coming back with the morning sun; she wasn’t coming back with the full moon. She wasn’t coming back. He looked again, and she was still sitting on the bed, playing with cards. The beach walk was over, and they both went the furthest they could, and yet, neither of them left the room. Silence was with them the entire time.
She won. Won what? She started to play again. Won against whom? She was dealing the cards again. Maybe she defeated herself in inner battle? She won’t tell him. She smiled at him. People a lot of times are saying, “find what you love and let it kill you”. No one said it had to be sad… She smiled again. Ocean waves were huge. Sometimes it seemed that he saw her between the waves. Waves crashed. Crashed just like the image in his head of life. Of perfection. The reality stayed, together within the room. She was in her digital kingdom again. Why she is leaving? Why she decides to go alone? He tried to chase her into the ocean but he couldn’t. She is back. Back in the room. She was lying down next to him just like in the beginning. The beginning of everything. Everything is nothing, when one has nothing. No dreams, no desires, no expectations, no hope, no will, and no passion. But there is a kiss. You know, the long one. Or short? Maybe both. What is it with the interruptions that one can’t focus? Sometimes ones thoughts are too loud, that one can’t think. But why she can? How she does it? She expects nothing, she wants nothing, desires nothing… Does she exist? Maybe in his head. Maybe the room is in his head also. If he would close his eyes he could leave the room? Or maybe if he would open his eyes he would leave the room. Just think and want, and he will leave. Want nothing. Want something. Leave the room, but with her. Leave and go places within your head. Just don’t let her go… he didn’t let her go on the beach, but she still left him. Stay with her in the room. Make her to leave the room. Air is free, silence is free, hope is free… something cold was inside her. Her soul was dead, just like her dead cold look towards him. The pure essence of death was entering the room. The death slept in the room the entire time. The death was beneath the waves on the beach. The death was holding his legs on the beach. The death was there. Is still here. Her cold look was targeted directly at him. Her eyes were empty. Pitch black. She slowly stood up and left the room. He couldn’t move. The death was holding him back.
She came back but not alone. Something was inside her. Her look was frightened. She wanted to cry but did not have any tears. He tried to move. He tried to scream but the sound stuck in his throat. No one and nothing will break the silence. She wanted to give him a hug. A kiss. Long and short. She couldn’t. She was crying without a sound and tears. The sleeping death was awakening. He was sitting there motionless. She was crying motionless. The lights went off, and sharp scream broke the silence in the room. Moments later the lights went back on and both of them were in each other arms. Both of them were motionless, with empty eyes and no heartbeat. Two hearts that were beating together, as one, went to sleep. Just like the death. IT went to sleep and the room became empty and quite. The two bodies were lying on the bed. It was raining. It was dark. The room was cold, as if something was breathing slowly. Atmosphere of a tragedy was in the air, but no one cared. The existence that was in the room, left everything behind and disappeared in the context of nothing.
May 1, 2018 at 1:59 pm #655881
I tried reading it, but my mind kept asking, “Where are the paragraphs?”
Perhaps a space between paragraphs or an indent of the first sentence of a paragraph might make it readable?
I’d prefer to say something positive about the piece but how can I when I have so much trouble reading it. I’ll check back, from time to time, to see if changes are made. 🙂
May 15, 2018 at 1:58 am #655882
Fair enough! I tried to fix paragraphs a bit, hopefully this will help. I wrote this piece in one – long sitting, while thoughts were flowing very steadily. Didn’t pay attention so much to paragraphs (which I should). Glad to see, that someone did try to attempt to read it, that is very encouraging. Please, if you will be able to read it, give me your opinion. This week, I am planning to upload my other work, which it will be more easy to ready !
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