John’s Sorrow

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This topic contains 13 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by  sreicher 9 years ago.

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  • #332895

    kimberley
    Participant
  • #559283

    kimberley
    Participant

    John’s hours were collages
    of Fanny’s face.
    Her playful beauty,
    paper lantern hands,
    and buttery lips,
    captivated his tousled mind.

    That vitality
    blinded, teased,
    mocked
    the hungry palate
    of his passion.

    He yearned to entangle himself
    in Fanny’s tender-legged
    woven warmth,
    nestle in her swollen breasts,
    just once.

    But he lay withering,
    a wilting man
    never content,
    pale, sickly,
    bereft of the soulful
    song of birds
    breathing melodies
    into the warm air,
    he was damned forever
    as Keats
    the mournful,
    melancholic romantic.

  • #559284

    kimberley
    Participant

    John’s hours were collages
    of Fanny’s face.
    Her playful beauty,
    paper lantern hands,
    and buttery lips,
    captivated his tousled mind.

    That vitality
    blinded, teased,
    mocked
    the hungry palate
    of his passion.

    He yearned to entangle himself
    in Fanny’s tender-legged
    woven warmth,
    nestle in her swollen breasts,
    just once.

    But he lay withering,
    a wilting man
    never content,
    pale, sickly,
    bereft of the soulful
    song of birds
    breathing melodies
    into the warm air,
    he was damned forever
    as Keats
    the mournful,
    melancholic romantic.

  • #559285

    AKnursewriter
    Participant

    As an admirer of Keats, Shelley, Byron and others of that era, I really made a connection with this poem. For me, it was great representing the sad state of the yearning for the unattainable. Strong emotions, descriptive imagery, and of course the sad state of unfilled desires. What a strong piece!!!

  • #559286

    Mary Jo
    Participant

    Wow I kept reading hoping the the happy ending and still smiled when it didn’t come. Nice piece all around good job.

  • #559287

    sukecal
    Participant

    Wonderful poem, Amy.

    You’ve been a great mentor to me, so it’s difficult for me to find something to critique in this work.

    I would have liked to known why the subject couldn’t connect with the lady….did she reject him….was there some other circumstance…..but perhaps it is enough to know that he languished without her.

    tp 🙂

  • #559288

    Angela Roquet
    Participant

    I like the pace, the rhyme, the wording, and alliteration. Hey, it’s brilliant.

  • #559289

    kimberley
    Participant

    Thanks, everyone! 🙂

  • #559290

    barb schmeling
    Participant

    🙂 Wonderful Amy, a great poem, I would not change a single word. Thanks for sharing! :emoticon:

  • #559291

    sale5
    Participant

    You had me after the first two lines–“John’s hours were collages of Fanny’s face.” Love the description and wording of this poem.

  • #559292

    megamillions
    Participant

    I aspire to write like this!
    Whew!
    🙂

  • #559293

    Bruce
    Participant

    Well done Amy:)

    Elizabeth

  • #559294

    kimberley
    Participant

    Thanks, you guys. You’re all too nice.

  • #559295

    sreicher
    Participant

    The sorrow felt ’round the world, sometimes.

    Yes, a great poem.

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