I need your opinion :) which translation is the best?

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  • #347008

    Billiebuh
    Participant

    Hi! I am a beginner author and English is not my mother tongue, but I want to publish my books in English and I am looking for a professional translator. Your opinion is extremely valuable to me. Below I put the beginnings of five translations of the first chapter. I will be grateful to you for the evaluation which in your opinion is the best read! 🙂 Thanks a lot!

    1. START OF THE PATH

    chapter 1. The Autumn of Mephedrone

    Diarrhoea wouldn’t let go for the second day in a row. I couldn’t leave the bed. I felt awful. Sweat was running down my face, and 30 degrees Celsius outside wouldn’t ease off. Matthew, comforting me, was patient and attentive. He knew this condition, he had been down this road many times. I was bunking at his place for the second day running, still recovering.

    Sweat soaked bed sheets did not smell too good, the room was small, you couldn’t put a finger on anything that might be called tidiness there: heaps of junk on the desk and in the cabinets, between them remains of crystal and grass which then seemed to me the only salvation. Getting up, I started to sieve through things looking for a pipe. It was empty but I knew it could still be smoked. The first drag of the morning and I could declare the day officially started…

    Smoke drifted aimlessly around in the grey room. Just then the door opened and Matthew walked in, beaming with energy. Tall and slender, with a fashion model’s face and above the average skill for chit-chat and banter; when I partied with him I could always expect the unexpected. It was awesome, this boy had an enormous talent and was good not only with women but with people in general. It was with him that I smoked my first bucket bong, and he was first to show me how to get wasted on crystal and, ironically, I was now stuck in his room, trotting to the pot with an upset stomach. After a week of partying my body was flushing out all the shit I was pumped up with. I was broke, I had nowhere to stay, and I got skinnier by the minute, but every night I had a fantastic time, I sniffed and fooled around with an even prettier, fresher and more interesting girl… I couldn’t do it twice with the same one, it was like dependence but not on crystal – on sex. It was the time when I went all the way trying to find the limit, I had fantastic time, it was too good to last… now I was laying in bed racked with pain. Matthew looked at me with a matey grin on his face.
    “A friend is going to come round in a little while. How are you feeling?”
    “It won’t let go”, I replied.
    “What is it”, he asked reaching for a plastic bag with fruit and vegetables I bought at the greengrocers round the corner the other day.
    “My breakfast”, I said.
    At the time I didn’t realise that raw fruit and vegetables was the last thing you should eat when you had diarrhoea, so during that weekend I was purged throughout. Now I realize why… When Matt’s friend entered the room, I looked at him, said hello, and I would never have guessed I had seen him before. He, on the other hand, looked at me inquisitively, and a disturbing smile spread over his face.
    “You look familiar”, he said, pondering. It wouldn’t be surprising because it was the period of my life when many people recognized me as a personal development trainer. I run a number of courses and posted controversial videos on the web.
    “Yes, of course!”, he yelled and grinned. “You are the guy who shagged that lovely chick in the middle of the dance floor on New Year’s Eve”. At that moment my smile faded, and I remembered the weird event from five months before when, under the influence of seven different substances I was dancing with my ex girlfriend in a club and decided it was dark and crowded enough on the dance floor, and her dress was short enough, so no one would notice that we were having a little more fun during the dance and I could vent the sexual tension.
    “You saw it?” I was dumbfound.
    “Man, did I see it? Everyone in the club saw it. You were the highlight of the evening”, he said in a serious voice, but I could sense a strange admiration.
    “I admit, you were pretty high, and the chick was awesome”.
    All three of us burst with laughter, and I didn’t even stop to think how many such episodes I had already forgotten. It was the time when I could be late paying the rent, the instalments or subscription fees, but I would always find dosh for the white powder. It was the time of mephedrone, sex, alcohol and carelessness. We could sleep in run-down places, but we always found time for booze and crystal. It was the spring of mephedrone, then came the summer, then autumn – the Autumn of Mephedrone, that’s what we called it. Only then I pulled myself together. I had been through a lot. But let’s begin from the beginning: from the moment it all started, when I embarked on my new adventures in the partying capital of Poland…

    2. START OF THE PATH

    Chapter 1. MEFEDRON Fall

    Diarrhea continued for a second day, and I could not get out of bed – I felt terrible. Sweat was running down my forehead and the 30-degree heat outside would not let up, however Matthew patiently watched over and reasured me – he knew this state, he had experienced it many times himself. I stayed with him for the second day, but I was still trying to recover.

    The bedding soaked in my sweat did not smell the best, the room was small, and there was nothing in it that could resemble so-called order: a lot of junk on the desk and cabinets, and between them the remains of crystal and weed, which at that moment seemed to me the only salvation. When getting out of bed I began to dig through things searching for a pipe – it was already empty, but I knew that it could still be smoked – with the first toke I could consider a day to have begun …

    The smoke spread out in the gray room and in this moment the door opened ajar. Matthew came inside full of energy – a tall slender man with the face of a model and with above average talking and flirting skills. When partying with him I always expected the unexpected. It was amazing because this man had a huge talent, not only towards women, but also towards people. It was with him that I smoked my first ever bucket and he showed me how to have fun with crystal, and ironically, I lay in his room running every so often to the bathroom with an upset stomach – after a week of partying my body was rinsing out all the shit I had been taking for so long. I was broke, I did not have a flat and I was losing weight constantly, but every night I played like a king, and snorted and played with far more interesting, prettier and fresher… I was not able to do it twice with the same one – it was like an addiction, but not from the crystal, but only from the sex under its influence. It was the time when I was living life in the fast lane and really flying high. I had a great time, but it was too good to last forever … now I was lying on the bed and writhing in pain. Mathew looked at me with a smile full of palpable understanding:
    My buddy will pop up in a minute, how do you feel?
    I’ve still got it – I replied.
    What’s this!? – he asked, while picking up a bag of veggies and fruits that I had bought the day before at the nearby grocery store.
    My breakfast – I said.
    I did not even realize that raw fruits and veggies are the last thing you should be eating when you have diarrhea – this weekend it cleared me out completely, and now I realized why… After a while a buddy of Matt came in, I looked at him, said hello and it did not come to me that I had seen him before, but after a while he began to look at me more closely, and a disturbing smile appeared on his face.
    I know you from somewhere – he said thoughtfully. There was nothing extraordinary about this, it was a time that many people recognized me as a personal development coach from numerous trainings and controversial films that I had released into the network. – I know! – he shouted with a grin on his face – you’re the guy who on New Year’s Eve was fucking a hot babe in the middle of the dance floor at the club! – At this moment the smile fell out of my mouth and I remembered the extraordinary situation that had happened more than five months earlier, when under the influence of seven different drugs and dancing with my ex I decided that the dance floor was dark and cramped enough and that she had a dress so short that it was impossible for anybody to know that during our dance I would go a bit further and let our sexual passions overcome us.
    Did you see it?! – I painfully asked.
    Man … did I see it? The whole club saw it! Everyone was talking about you! – he answered with seriousness and a strange measure of admiration – You were very much off it then, but I need to admit that the girl was awesome.
    At that moment we all started to laugh and I did not even wonder how many similar situations I had had. It was a time when I could be late in repaying installments, rent or subscriptions, but I always found money for white powder. It was the time of mephedrone, sex, alcohol and carelessness. We could sleep in the worst conditions, but we always found time to be fucked. It was the spring of mephedrone, later summer came, then fall – the fall of Mephedrone, that’s what we called it. It was only after some time that I came to my senses and gave up. It was only then that I started again, but before that I experienced a lot. However, let’s start from the beginning: from the moment when it all began, and for the first time I entered an independent life in the largest party city in Poland…

    3.

    The Path: Origins Wilanowska STREET

    Chapter 1. The Autumn of Mephedrone

    The diarrhoea still hadn’t yielded for the second day in a row and I couldn’t leave my bed – I felt awful. Sweat was dripping down my forehead and the thirty-degree heat outside just wouldn’t leave us be. But, then again, Matthew was patiently keeping watch and comforting me – he knew how it was, as he himself had gone through it on multiple occasions. I’d already been staying at his place for two days, but I was still recovering. The sheets were soaked with my sweat and didn’t smell too nice, the room was tiny, and there was no space for anything which could be called order: there was tons of junk on the desk and in the cupboards, and among that the remains of crystal meth and weed, which in that moment seemed to be my only rescue. Getting up, I started to scour the room in search of a pipe, only to find it empty. –I knew it was good for one last hit, and one puff later, my day had officially begun… The smoke spread through the grey room and then the door opened. Matthew entered the room, full of energy. He was a tall, slim, man, with the face of a model and an extraordinary way with words. Partying with him, I always expected the unexpected. It was really exceptional, to have such a way not only with the ladies, but with everyone else. It was with Matthew that I smoked a bowl for the first time in my life, and it was Matthew who showed me how to take a hit of meth. How ironic that it was in his room where I was taking turns lying in bed and rushing to the bathroom with my upset stomach. Having partied for a week straight, my body was flushing all the dirt I and dope out of my system. I was broke, visibly thin, and essentially homeless, but every single night I was the king. I sniffed my share and partied with the more interesting, the more beautiful, the fresher ladies… I couldn’t be with the same girl twice – it was like an addiction, but it wasn’t the crystal I was falling for, but rather the love-making under its influence. It was the time when I left my seatbelt unfastened and lived life in the fast lane, having loads of fun. It was too good to last forever… I was lying on the bed, doubled over with pain:
    Matthew glanced at me with a warm grin, like a friend fully understanding my situation:
    – ‘A friend of mine is dropping by in a minute. How are you feeling?’
    – ‘Still sick’, I said.
    – ‘What’s that?!’ – He asked, grabbing a bag of groceries I’d bought the previous day at a nearby greengrocer’s.
    – ‘My breakfast’, I replied.
    I hadn’t realised that when you have a diarrhoea, the last thing to do is eat raw fruit and vegetables. I had completely purged myself, and I only now realised why. A moment later, Matthew’s friend entered the room. I took a glance, offered my welcome. It would never have occurred to me that I might have met him before if it wasn’t for his curious look and profound, instantaneous smirk.
    – ‘Do I know you from somewhere?’ – He offered with a note of reflection. It most certainly was anything unexpected, as at that time I was something of a personal coach, and I had conducted workshops and posted quite a few videos on the Internet. – I know! – He yelled out with a toothy smile. – ‘You’re that
    dude who banged that mint chick on New Year’s Eve! Right in the middle of the dance floor! ‘- As I recalled that extraordinary incident, my smile suddenly faded. It all had happened five months ago, when, under the influence of a grand total of seven different drugs, I decided to take dancing with my ex-girlfriend to the next level. The floor seemed so inviting, so dark and tight – it would be virtually impossible for anyone to notice us having some extra fun on the side while relieving our mutual sexual tension.
    ‘- You saw it?!’ – I asked, pierced with amazement.
    ‘- Man… Did I see it? The whole club saw it! Everyone was talking about you!’ – He replied with what I believed was some sort of weird admiration and seriousness in his voice.
    ‘- You were totally smashed, but I got to admit, the girl was fire.’
    Then we all started laughing. I didn’t even think about how many similar things I’d lived through. It was a time when I could easily be late paying my instalments, bills or subscriptions, but I always had the money for the white powder. It was the time of mephedrone, alcohol, and levity. We would sleep in the worst conditions, but we would always find the time to get hammered. It was the spring of mephedrone, and after spring came the summer of mephedrone, and then the autumn – the autumn of mephedrone, as we called it. It took as much time for me to get wiser and learn to let go. Only after that did I decide to get back in shape. I experienced so much beforehand, but let’s start from the beginning. From the very moment it all began, in the biggest party city in Poland, where I took my first steps into an independent life.

    4.

    THE BEGINNING OF THE PATH
    Wilanowska STREET

    Chapter 1. THE TWILIGHT OF THE MEPHEDRONE

    It was the second day of persistent diarrhoea. I couldn’t move from the bed and felt terrible. I was bathed in perspiration and the heat outside didn’t help at all. Matthew, however, watched over me patiently and heartened me up as he knew the feeling all to well – he had gone through it time and again himself. It was the second day I stayed at his house now but still needed some more time to recover.

    The bedclothes were soaking with my sweat so the smell was not too nice. The room was tiny and it was not tidy, not even close to it. There was so much clutter on the desk and cupboards. Between them the crystal meth and the dope which seemed to be the only rescue for me at that time. I started the search to find the holder. Here it was, already empty but I knew it was good enough – the first smoke and I could call it a day.

    The fume spread all over the grey room as the door opened. Full of energy, Matthew came in. Tall and slim, with a model-like face contour, he mastered chit-chatting and flirting to perfection. Partying with him, one could always expect the unpredictable things to happen. He was a master of dealing with all kind of people. I smoked my very first weed bucket with him and it was he who showed me how to have fun with crystal. Ironically, I was laying now in his room, visiting bathroom every now and then. After a whole week of partying my body detoxified itself.
    I was broke, had no place to live and lost weight but that did not stopped me from royally partying, smoking and playing with more beautiful and younger chick each time… It was like an addiction, I couldn’t be with the same knockout twice. The addiction was not to crystal but to having sex under its influence. There were no limits for me back then. It was a great time, too great. All good things come to an end… Now I was in bed, the pain was burning. Matthew looked at me with a smile full of understanding: “My mate will come soon. How do you feel?”. “It still vexes me”, I answered. “What’s this!?”, he asked holding a bag of fruit and vegetables that I’d bought a day before over the corner. “My breakfast”, I replied.
    I didn’t realize that during the diarrhoea fresh fruit and vegetables should be the last on my diet list. 
At least I understood why it purged me… After a while Matthew’s mate entered the room and said hello. 
I guess I haven’t seem him before but he started to look at me and a smile of anxiety appeared on his face. “You look strangely familiar”, he said, puzzled. It did not surprise me because many people knew me as 
a personal assistant, as a trainer or because of the controversial videos I posted on the Internet.
    “I know!”, he shouted and bared, “You are the one who fucked this shit-hot babe in the middle of the dance floor on New Year’s Eve!”. My smile vanished as I recalled what happened more than five months ago. I was dancing with my ex. Seven different stimulants and her short dress made me believe it was dark and crowded enough that nobody would notice the release of our sexual tension.
    “You have seen that?!”, I asked taken aback completely. “Man… Have I seen that? Everybody in the club saw it! Everybody gossiped about you!” – he said seriously, showing a strange kind of admiration. “You were dopey but the girl was a real stunner.”
    We all laughed. I didn’t even want to recall all the similar situations. There were plenty. I could delay paying for the instalment, the rent, or the licence fee but there always was some dough for the white powder. It was the time of mephedrone, sex, alcohol and recklessness. We could have had poor sleeping conditions but there was always time for a piss-up. It was the dawn of the mephedrone, then there was its heyday and then the twilight – the twilight of the mephedrone, as we called it. After such a long time I 
finally grew wise and passed out. Before I tidied myself up, however, life had brought a wealth of experience to me. But let’s go back to where it all started. I begun living independently in the biggest entertaining city in Poland…

    5.

    

The beginning of a path
    Wilanowska STREET

    Chapter 1. THE AUTUMN OF MEPHEDRONE

    The diarrhea was still going strong for the second day in a row, and I was not able to leave the bed – I felt a mess. I had sweat running down my forehead, while there was a tiring heatwave of 30 degrees outside; Matthew was patiently keeping watch and cheering me up – he knew that state well, he had been in it many times before. I was staying the second night and was still making an attempt to get back on my feet.

    The sheets were steeped in my sweat and did not smell nice, the room was quite small and it did not have much in common with what you could call order: a load of junk on the desk and cabinets, with remains of crystal and pot in between, which seemed like the only hope for me at the moment. Getting up from bed, I started rummaging through my stuff in search of a zoom tube – it was already empty, but I knew it could still be fired up a bit – the first puff and I could start the day…

    Smoke was spreading through the gray room and at that moment, the doors half-opened and Matthew stepped inside, full of energy – a tall, sleek guy with the face of a model, with above-average skills in pitch and flirt; whenever I partied with him, I could hope for something extraordinary. It was amazing, this guy did not only have great talent with women, but with people. It was him with whom I had smoked my first ever bucket and he was the first to show me how to party with crystal; ironically, I was now laying in his room and running to the bathroom every now and then with an upset stomach – after a week’s blowout, my body was flushing out all the yuck I had been narcotizing myself with. I was broke, I didn’t have a place to stay and was rapidly losing weight, but every night, I partied like a king, sniffing and having fun with a more interesting, prettier and fresher gal… I wasn’t able to do it with the same one twice – it was like an addiction, not from crystal, but from sex – under its influence. It was a time when I simply unbuckled me roller-skates and flew by really strong, I was having great fun, but it was too good to last forever… I was now lying in bed and squirming in pain. Matthew gazed at me with an understanding smile:
    “My friend is going to drop by in a while, how are you feeling?”
    “I still can’t get it together,” I replied.
    “What is this?!” he asked, grasping a bag of greens and fruit I had bought the previous day at a nearby grocery store.
    “My breakfast,” I replied.
    I didn’t even realize it then that when you have diarrhea, the last thing you want to eat is raw fruit and veggies – I had been flushed in and out that weekend, and now I realized why… When Mati’s friend walked in a moment later, I looked at him, said hello and would have never thought I had seen him any earlier than that… If not for the fact that after a while, he started to observe me more and more cautiously, with a smile disturbingly popping up on his face.
    “I know you from somewhere,” he said. It was nothing extraordinary, it was a period where many people recognized me as a personal coach, from many trainings and controversial clips that I released online.
 “I know!” he cried and bared his teeth, “You’re the guy who boned that hot girl on New Year’s in the middle of the club dance floor!” At that moment, my smile faded off my fact and I recalled that extraordinary situation from around five months ago, when I was under the influence of as many as seven drugs, dancing with my ex… I got the idea that the dance floor was dark and cozy enough, and she had just the right length of dress for anyone to notice us having a little more fun during our dance and releasing our sexual tension.
    “You saw that?!” I asked, stunned.
    “Man, did I see that? The whole club saw it. You were on everyone’s lips!” He replied seriously and with a dose of weird admiration, “You were really messed up then, but the girl was smoking, I must say.”
    We all started laughing at that point, I didn’t even think how many situations similar to that one I’d had to that point. It was a time when I could be late with installments, rent or subscription payments, but always found the cash for white powder. It was a time of mephedrone, sex, alcohol and carelessness. We could sleep in the worst conditions, but we always found the time to bash. If was a spring of mephedrone, then came summer, and autumn followed – the Autumn of Mephedrone, as we called it. It was only after a while when I came to smarten up and let go. It was then when I finally got it together; before that, I lived through a lot, but let’s not get ahead: from the moment it all started, and I stepped into independent life, in the biggest party town in Poland…

  • #656046

    AngelinaK52
    Participant

    Welcome to the forums. Please read the rules on posting as this both breaks them and leaves yourself open to harsh criticism.

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