Help with beloved query letter (Lonelight)

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  • #346555


    Should I change some things, take some words out? Should I scrap it all and start over? Any words would be great!

    Avery Wells sat on top of a stupid make-believe mountain, playing a silly game of chess with a sham god—or Lonelight, as the followers like to call him. The Lonelight tries to convince Wells to continue playing his game, because he is chosen (and by chosen, he of course means kidnapped). Wells isn’t having it. He knocks over the chessboard and walks away from the regal being (and by regal, he of course means a man with stubble, jeans, and boots), but stops when he witnesses the Lonelight levitate a chess piece into his hand, and tell Wells that his world will soon be obliterated, along with Truss, his little brother and only family. Sit. Play.

    Wells returns from his meeting with the Lonelight to find himself bestowed with the power to summon and mentally manipulate swords. Wells, and his four other chosen team members, race to win their challenge of slaying an ancient creature before the other three teams. Nothing is as it seems, when the Lonelight twists the game with each passing day: the real game is to be the last team standing, for that team will survive the world’s oblivion.

    Wells is faced with a painful choice: does he destroy everyone else, so his home may survive, or does he keep his hands clean, and lose his friends and brother in the process? Like all his choices thus far and afterward, he makes the wrong one, and forms consequences beyond his imagination.

    Is the Lonelight who he claims to be? Is there more to the game than the initial twist? And why is everyone losing their memories of the dead? Open your eyes and accept nothing as truth, then maybe Wells can win. But probably not.

    Lonelight is a 97,000-word fantasy action adventure with magical realism.

    Thank you for your time and consideration,

    One of my questions is about the “of course” asides in the first paragraph. To me, it adds extra personality to Wells, but my friend read it and felt it sounded out of place with the tone of the rest of the letter. I can see that. What’s your thoughts?

  • #654868


    Not that anyone replied, but I completely changed my letter, so don’t worry about replying to this one haha.

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