Feedback on synopsis, please

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Anonymous 10 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #346545

    Anonymous

    I kind’a hate doing this to you, people, because I know for a fact that many of you are not at all interested in my genre, but I’m about to enter my book in a competition and it’s really important that the synopsis is good. Not that’s it’s not important when it comes to agents…

    Anyhow, it’s the first time I write one too and after a few edits, I realized I wasn’t sure if any more revisions were needed. So, here goes:

    OLIVIA (Liv), a party planner in a club in San Diego, has to get a popular band to play in the club or she’ll lose her job. Desperate and angry, she pulls out a stunt that surprisingly leads to the club booking “Them” — the world-famous rock band.

    Olivia is firmly against addictions because her father had been an alcoholic. After she finds ADAM’s — “Them”s lead — ecstasy in the club and tells him off, he finds her fascinating and asks her out. She refuses, which makes her even more interesting for the rockstar.

    About a month later, Adam e-mails Olivia and invites her to move to LA. Olivia is wary of Adam’s proposition, but at the same time one of her best friends gives up on her dreams, which makes Liv accept.

    The day after Olivia’s arrival in LA, Adam leaves for a gig in New York, where he cheats with a model. He cheats many more times after that, too.

    When Adam and Liv finally have sex for the first time, he begs her to try ecstasy, just once, because “she deserves the amazing experience”. The morning after, the comedown is brutal, so Liv smokes marijuana to help her get through it.

    Meanwhile, the band is having problems. When Adam gets an offer to compose and perform a track for an upcoming movie — solo — that ends up being the final straw. Since technically Adam’s the one leaving the band, he has to take a massive financial hit, covering the compensation for terminating the band’s contract midterm.

    Because of that, Adam moves in with Olivia. His ego has taken a hit, which brings out a horrible side of him. Despite her better judgment, Liv slowly picks up his way of life: parties, drugs, alcohol. Their feelings for one another grow stronger and Adam writes a lot of songs, recording his first solo album. When Adam books a world tour, he impulsively proposes to Olivia. She accepts happily.

    “Them” aren’t as successful without Adam. When a band member runs into haughty Olivia, he tells her about Adam’s systematic cheating. Liv leaves him and tries to work on her addiction problems but, eventually, Adam wins her back. On the night they make up, Olivia OD’s and dies.

    Because of the traumatic experience, Adam develops a serious Dissociative Amnesia condition. He doesn’t remember using drugs regularly and doesn’t remember Olivia passing away. He keeps looking for her, sometimes becoming violent. A special nurse is appointed to look after him and he spends his days heavily sedated, “composing” the tracks of his first and only solo album.

    A few specific questions you can answer if you don’t feel like giving an overall feedback:

    1. Is it too long? Too short?
    2. Do you feel like you need more information about why and how certain things are happening? Do you feel you can do just fine with less information?
    3. Do you think the ending’s too dark? (that’s more about the book than about the synopsis, but I’m wondering, so let me know)

    Thanks, guys, soooo much!

  • #654846

    Anonymous

    Just so you know – in case you did not – the group, Them, was a real band back in the 60’s, fronted by Van Morrison. Not sure what kind of legal wranglings that might incur.

  • #654847

    Anonymous

    Really?! I had absolutely no idea, but thanks so much, will keep it in mind.

  • #654848

    jIPPity
    Participant

    Hi, Maya. You should really post this in the synopsis clinic, the last forum in the critique section.

    –Warren

  • #654849

    Anonymous

    Oh, sorry. I’ll do that. Sorry.

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