Does this book blurb have an effective hook?

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Anonymous 8 months ago.

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  • #346597

    Anonymous

    Hi. I wrote a novel called ‘The Only Shot She Has’, and below is the book blurb:

    “Biologist Elizabeth Bell thought she had discovered the cure for a deadly disease, but when she administers the drug to photojournalist David Green, she finds herself on death row for using a drug that wasn’t FDA approved. Now, tracking down her ex-husband is literally the only shot she has of surviving the death penalty by lethal injection.”

    Does the blurb have an effective hook?

    The original title was ‘Dose of Her Own Medicine’. Is ‘The Only Shot She Has’ a better title?

    I would appreciate any advice or suggestions you have.

    Thanks 🙂

  • #655010

    Anonymous

    It was a great blurb up to “tracking down her ex-husband”. Need a little info on what her ex has to do with all this. With that, I would start reading the first page.

  • #655011

    Anonymous

    Thanks, Alice. Really appreciate your input.

    Would this work?

    “Biologist Elizabeth Bell thought she had discovered the cure for a deadly disease, but when she administers the drug to photojournalist David Green, she finds herself on death row for using a drug that wasn’t FDA approved. Now, tracking down her ex-husband, crooked drug exec, is literally the only shot she has of surviving the death penalty by lethal injection.”

    Or do you still need to know more like “…a crooked drug exec with the last dose of the drug…”

    Thanks again 🙂

  • #655012

    Anonymous

    I think you need to explain why she’s on death row for a non-capital offense (“using a drug that wasn’t FDA approved”).

  • #655013

    jIPPity
    Participant

    Besides what everyone else has said: How can she track down her ex-husband when she’s on death row? Clearly she’d have to hire someone to do that. So you might include a bit of info on that.

    Also, I assume the drug kills the photojournalist. That must be why she’s on death row, right? So mention that too.

    As for the title, I would prefer something a bit shorter, such as : “Her Only Shot” or perhaps even better “Her Last Shot.” Using the word “shot” works great, because it can mean both “injection” and “chance.”

    Otherwise, yes, I think your blurb is a real grabber. Like Alice, I would start reading.

    –Warren

  • #655014

    Anonymous

    Thank you, Warren. I really appreciate your input 🙂

    The back cover copy is everything, and I want to get it right.

  • #655015

    Anonymous

    Hey, Warren, is this an improvement?

    “Biologist Elizabeth Bell thought she had discovered the cure for a deadly disease, but when she administers the drug to photojournalist David Green, she finds herself on death row for administering a drug that was mysteriously not FDA approved. Now, tracking down her ex-husband, a crooked drug exec, is literally the only shot she has of surviving the death penalty by lethal injection when she suddenly she finds herself in position to do so as a fugitive.”

  • #655016

    Anonymous

    Adding “mysteriously” doesn’t explain her being on death row for a non-capital offense. Tell us he died from the un-approved drug.

  • #655017

    Anonymous

    The improvement is almost too wordy in the other direction and takes away from the suspense. I don’t mind reading the book to find out how she got on death row but I like the simple addition of knowing her ex is a crooked drug executive, who….(insert your choice of 3-5 words) wants her dead, maybe?

  • #655018

    Anonymous

    I thought so, too.

    Maybe “…a crooked drug exec who wants her dead…” works?

    Thank you so much for taking them time to read my post and reply to it. It means alot 🙂

    I’ve kind of gotten away from writing novels once I discovered screenwriting several years back, but I’m hoping to get back into novel writing and have been building a website.

    As soon as I get this novel published, would you like a free copy of it in pdf format? I would be more than happy to send you one 🙂

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