Re: Re: Winter Time

Home Forums Critique Central Poetry Winter Time Re: Re: Winter Time



I keep trying not to comment on this so it won’t get sent to the top, but you guys keep doing that anyway so… 😉

I can’t believe this piece of fluff has caused such discussion. The unrhymed line was deliberate–it’s an old school trick to deliberately slow the reader down and accentuate one idea. Some say Shakespeare did that, but most of his are cases where words are pronounced differently today than in his time (many other instances are lost in translation problems). The rhyme within the line is to take the bite out of it. It’s less jarring when orchestral is pronounced properly with the accent on the second syllable ( which I know Tim is doing–it just bugs him, which is fine because it usually bugs me when other people do it. 😉 ). Elizabeth, the winds ARE the orchestra which accompanies the trees–or in this case actually causes them to sing.

For the record, I’m seldom at a loss for words 🙂

How about: “frozen trees singing melodies through the windmills of my mind”–ok, kidding.

I think your comments are completely valid Tim, and I appreciate your willingness to call me on it rather than let bad habits develop. Who wants to be in the “Bad Poet’s Society?’ OK…there is that thread in Writer’s Block Party but that’s just for fun.

I don’t agree, however, with the “mist, dismissed” part of it. It’s the sound not the spelling that counts. For kicks I Yahooed (I hate Google) the words “dismissed mist rhyme” and a whole host of rhyming dictionaries popped up–I’ve pasted a chart from one of them here.

One- and two-syllable End Rhymes of mist:

assist baptist blacklist checklist consist cultist
cyst desist dismissed enlist exist fist
gist grist hissed hist insist kissed
list liszt missed mist persist resist
subsist tryst twist unkissed untwist whist

Thank you all for your kind comments and encouragement. I love a good discussion; as Elizabeth pointed out, we can learn from them.