This is the first time I have offered a critique here, so forgive me if I do or say something improper.
My initial impression reading the first paragraph is that I was being bludgeoned by adjectives. In fact, it just seems to me that throughout the story, you overwhelm the reader with information… some in overly complex sentences, some, it seems, purely for “ornamental” purposes. In summary, I found it difficult and tiring to read. Less would have been more so that the basic story was not buried by words.
Again, I apologize, but that’s how I see it.