Re: RE: untitled short story

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#534024

Voskamp
Blocked

As I read your short piece, I wasn’t sure it belonged in the Spiritual section or in the horror section.  It could work just as easily there.  However, if you are going to enlarge upon this and show us that her feeling of being suppressed was of a Godly spiritual nature, then let your reader know this.

Also, it would make reading your piece easier if it were broken down into paragraphs and when your character speaks use a separate paragraph for her remarks.  

 I’d like to see a rewrite.

Lillies