Re: RE: The Weight Of One Breath

Home Forums Critique Central Poetry The Weight Of One Breath ::Revised Re: RE: The Weight Of One Breath

#501830

lmangan
Participant

I do like the premise here and positive, powerful message….

sometimes my poem “children” can start like this (thank G-girl for that image!) and I print them and circle things that sound powerful that I want to be sure and keep. A lot of times I save the original draft in a “FD” file basically First Draft, then keep working on a second copy of it and slash, slash, burn, burn… and then go back to the FD file to read it over again so I can grasp one more time the initial inspiration…. anyway my point was to tell you what I would definitely circle if this was mine… of course, it is subjective and will depend on where you go with the poem, but I loved these:

“How heavy can one breath be?”

“You’re beautiful….like a landfill fire at sunset.”

“With the weight of one breath I can cut.

I can scorch. I can crush.

I can build. I can heal.

One breath has the power to perform a miracle.

“I do.””

“One breath has the power to blow out a light.

“Roll on two!””