Re: RE: the way of the world

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#526848

Voskamp
Blocked

Hi Amyjean,

Poetry is not my forte.  However, I do enjoy reading it.  I have a few pointers that may help you and can take or forget.

When I read through, your meter in the second and third stanzas seemed off.  It was difficult to know in the second stanza what you were referring to, until I realized you were relating to the first stanza. 

The way of the world is to turn from God
To go our own way, to make our own gods (God and Gods do not rhyme, but your other stanzas do )
For right, for wrong, we often don’t know
We live in denial of the seeds we sow.

We’ve all gone that way at least once or more
Many times throughout the day that’s what’s been in store. (This needs a great deal of work)
We suffer the reaper the sins we sow
We whine and complain, unfair it seems so. sow and so? Too many so’s even though it is spelled differently.  Next sentence another so.

Why we do ask? Why must we suffer so?
Why did it happen? How can God not know?
He doesn’t owe us anything; nothing we can expect(.)
All have gone their (own) (delete) way, our future seems set.

And yet He came, He gave His only Son
To atone for our sins, each and every one
He showed us His love hanging on that tree
His love exhibited for you and for me.

To heal the wounds, to heal our pain
To make the blind see, to make us exclaim
Of God’s great love bestowed upon us
Grace upon grace, trust upon trust.

We are not alone, we can be one
One with the Spirit, Father, and Son
What will we choose, the left or the right?
When will we stop this eternal fight? (When I read (eternal) fight, my mind went to our eternal home with God.  We would not fight in God’s home.  Perhaps a better word might be timeless, or incessant, perpetual.) 

You have some nice thoughts, it just needs some touch-ups.  Good luck and thanks for the post.

Lillies

 
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