Re: Re: The Play

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#469835

ghoulie
Participant

Hi Tera –

Nice, classic idea about life as a play (Shakespeare’s all the world’s a stage…). The line about tattooing the words onto the page is my favorite, although it needs tightening. Consider your rhythm – the rhymes feel a bit forced and the meter feels off. Here’s an example of what I mean by tightening:
I’m going to tattoo it with words of my life on each page…..could be tightened to: I’ll tattoo my life on each page.
Play with this and see what you come up with. Keep going!