A few comments in passing: You mention the two poles of your personality which implies…so just a suggestion before you give up before you start: hang in there. However, as for giving away your amazing ideas, I don’t think you’ll find many takers if any.
A lot of people have imagination but few can put it on paper, writing and rewriting to convey ideas that capture and carry readers from beginning to end. Perhaps (1) you should put your work away as G-Girl suggested and get back to it whenever; or (2) tinker with putting together an outline to follow, then writing when you’re in the mood; or (3) you can find a writer’s group and then find, reach an arrangement and work with a compatible co-author, intermingling ideas. You just might discover one of these to be a fulfilling experience.
I wish you the best,