Welcome to the forum!
The imagery is vivd, and I sort of wished I finished eating my yogurt before I read it. 😮
I have to think about this one. You have skills, no doubt about that. 🙂
This is a great place to share your writing, and I hope you settle in and get comfortable with us.
I saw no cliche here.
You will get more feedback. Don’t be nervous, we don’t bite…just nibble a little.