Re: RE: straight outta the mind.

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#448533

Bruce
Participant

Hi Crow, and welcome:)

Yes, you do need to work on this. I’ve made a few corrections to misspelled words. And maybe you could do something about the over use of commas.

I think you have the beginnings of a very interesting poem here.

Thanks for posting it,
Elizabeth

crow – 2008-03-06 11:43 PMThis work was done last night I need to go over it and check it, but this is all I got for now, its rough as it only took about ten min to write and bare with me Im not very good on pc. Im open for comments,


The hand of Man has left a creed,
One cannot undo his deeds,
Written into the soul of creation,
The air he breathes an abonimation,
Rain that burns the skin below it,
Waves that take his life to show it,
On ears that fail as do his deeds,
Creation clearly states the needs,
Take no more and leave no less,
Heed these signs it’s for your best,
With eye on one and hand on another,
Man clearly states I am only a hunter,
The more I have the more I need,
And missed the sign that killed the seed,
Once it’s gone youll see no more,
The chain lies broken on the floor,
The hand of Man has left a creed,
His children’s children to pay the deed,
With hearts of hope that time’s still there,
They’ll search for wisdom to repair,
On ears that hear but now too late,
Creation cries the final state,
Give no more and take no less.