Re: Re: RICARDO MONTALBAN WAS A FRIEND OF MINE

Home Forums Critique Central Poetry RICARDO MONTALBAN WAS A FRIEND OF MINE Re: Re: RICARDO MONTALBAN WAS A FRIEND OF MINE

#581215

ss12370
Participant

I love it! I actually am drawn to it personally, for New York city cab drivers is a personal topic.

But I do question the progression of events, specifically the end. This driver works by night I take it and yet when morning comes he gets out then turns the key? Maybe switching the line around a little will help keep it in order to make more sense. I had to stop and reread the stanza to make sure I was not missing something. I just think you never want to have your reader question their own ability to comprehend what they are reading.
Another thing I had trouble with is…1st it’s not corinthian leather and then it washes over you in the end??? I’m not sure what to make of that.

I dont think there is anything wrong with the images they are great. I get the crackling power lines, it’s sounds of the city. At times theres an easy lose of the mind to voices (thoughts) since the driver rarely interacts a great deal with it’s fare and have plenty of time to think. The act of driving is so second nature that they can delve into the mind and hear so much going on in there. Great job thanks for sharing!