I liked teh first version better. The first sentence was only a run on because you forgot to add teh word “and” before “soon.”
The dream aspect is what kills the query. If Kyle just wakes up from another dream, no one will want the novel, and you need to answer this question in the query. Asking teh agent questions is always a bad, bad idea. An agent or editor needs to know what happens, how it happens, and why it happens.