Re: RE: Now ICU, Now I Don’t

Home Forums Critique Central Nonfiction Now ICU, Now I Don’t Re: RE: Now ICU, Now I Don’t

#488579

avaughn
Participant

Thrilling story.  That would definitely be on my list of top ten patients to never forget.

Beyond the last paragraph, which everyone has already commented on, I did have a suggestion for you.  I think you need to work on what tense you want the story to be in.  You start off in past tense, then do a good job transitioning over to present tense… except then in a couple of spots you use past tense again. 

If you want to tell the story in past tense, then the only part I would leave in present tense is when you quote the wording from the hospital report.