and welcome to the forums. You seem to have a unique idea, but what you have shown us so far, is not a story, they are just happenings. If what you write is spiritual, give us a broader spectrum of what you are trying to accomplish to get your idea (s) over to you reader. May I suggest that you read several of the stories/meditations, etc. in this forum. This will give you a better of idea of what to write, so those who critique will have something to work with.
I must agree with Elizabeth, you have much work to do on both of these offerings.