Re: Re: new to the forum and would like some feedback

Home Forums Critique Central Spiritual Writing new to the forum and would like some feedback Re: Re: new to the forum and would like some feedback

#470964

Bruce
Participant

Hi Barbara,
Your stories are kind of confusing. The first is not a story. It is the description of what Miracles was doing. The second is about a caterpillar fell asleep and dreamed a dream. You say what you would like the dream to become, but the story remains in the dream. Just adding: I am so happy I took flight, does not tell the story of the butterfly’s emergence from the cocoon.
I’m sorry, but you have a lot of work to do on both of these ideas. Please don’t be discouraged, but take or leave my advice as you think right. It is only an opinion. Hopefully other writers will come and give you their feedback.
Elizabeth
PS I think you may have meant these to be children’s stories, if yes, you should post them in the Children’s critique section.