Oh my gosh! There has got to be some mistake. Someone else must be named Helga Von Frustendiegan! There must be another Helga Von Frustendiegan in the San Francisco area! My mother is not, can’t be a internet stripper! Please say my mother does not strip (by way of webcam) for random people! That her stripper name is not “Sweetie pie.” Eew, eew, eew! Ick!
Oops, the people all around me are staring. Oh my gosh! I was saying all that out loud! How mortifying! Guess it’s time to go home.
As I step inside I can’t help but feel anxious and nervous; and what if she says no? What will I do then?
“Hi sweetie,” she says, I can’t help but cringe.
“Mom…,” I start out, my palms sweaty, I can’t help but hesitate. What’s the point of even asking? She’ll never agree.
“What is it Suze?” she asks, for some reason she looks worried “Did you get a, a ‘C’ in math again?”
“No. But I found out something.”
She looks like she’s about to faint. Does she know I know? “You don’t have an STD do you?”
“No mom or should I say ‘Sweetie pie!’,” I couldn’t help but blurt it out. I was dying to know, was it true? Was my mom an internet stripper? “Geez, five-hundred thousand friends wow, good for you!”
She stops baking and sighs as if she knew this day would eventually come. “Please don’t tell your father,” she asks sweetly.
“I won’t,” I state, it’s not like she’s a prostitute or anything. “So? What good exercise that must be!” Not that I know, but we had seen a TV segment on I think it was Oprah… anyways, it was called the S Factor, something about pole dancing.
“Yeah, you can burn a lot of calories it’s great cadio.”
Then there’s an awkward silence until she says “And, just so you know, I set half aside for your college fund…”
“Mom, you didn’t! That’s your money!”
“Honey, I want to. I’m saving some for me to, I’m saving the rest up so I can open a bakery!”
“Wow! That’s great!… So how much money do you have saved up so far?”
“A hundred thousand. Well, this year at least, you know the economy is bad.”
“Oh my gosh!,” I can’t help but look at my mother in a new light. She’s doing this for me so I can attend mydream school NYU and to help her with her dream. A hundred thousand this year?! I can’t help but ask “… So, when are you going to teach me the ropes?”
She stares at me and smiles, “That’s what summer vacation for honey.”
** My mother is not really an internet stripper and I have no intention of becoming one 😉