Bullethead, thanks for your excellent feedback!
I didn’t like the repetition of MySpace in the one paragraph, either, but I couldn’t see my way around it. I’d probably keep the repeated “so” to preserve the narrator’s style of talking.
Your comments make so much sense, though. I went through a pile of ideas last week and didn’t actually write any up until the last minute. I could have done better editing if I’d left it for a day and gone back to it. Your comment about streamlining facts into the narrative is actually something I’ve just become aware of in books I’m reading (Lee Child’s thrillers and Sharan Newman’s latest) and am working to incorporate into my own writing.