Re: RE: Mislead

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#466471

IleanaCarmina
Participant

Frist of all you should run a spell check as there are at least two words that you need to correct. “Unknown and unawareness.” Were the two I found.

Pain and hurt is unkown to the mind until it taste something never fed. * This line to me really does not make sense. I think I know what you wanted to state but I think you could make it clearer.

Pain and hurt that’s unknown
to a trusting mind, until
it’s taste is bitterly fed.

Something like that.

I also think poetry is more unlike prose. This is more prose I think. Try breaking it down into short lines, stanzas, etc.

Check around and read some of the other poems and you will get a feel and a idea of how poetry is written.

Read more poetry here or elsewhere, that will be a huge help to you.

You could also try to use other words to relay your poem so that the reader get a picture in their mind that will say more than 50 long darwn out words. Like for example:

The potato was rotten beneath the ground.

“The spud decaying below earth’s crust.” It basically states the same thing but a little better then the first line.

I hope this has been of some help for you.

I do like the idea you have gather with this write, just needs some TLC to bring it into a better flow, etc.

Blessings