Home › Forums › Critique Central › Query Letter Clinic › Is my Query worthy? Does it say, I want to read more? › Re: Re: Is my Query worthy? Does it say, I want to read more?
I agree with much of Jim’s comments. However, I believe you should delete this sentence in its entirety: The book weaves lies and love with magical power, teaching two people the ultimate meaning of love that you will do whatever it takes to protect the one you love, even sacrificing yourself.
In other words, don’t tell THEN show. Get right to the showing, which I believe doesn’t begin until your fourth paragraph: “Twenty-five-year-old Gabriella . . . “