Re: Re: How would you write this?

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Michael J. Bugeja

Just a suggestion. When writing, try not to break up speech with “he said,” and “she said.” It can get annoying for the reader. Other than that, while I don’t know what comes just before or just after this segment, I don’t mind reading dialogue to add drama. The short bit of back story you have at the end also helps to fill in the blanks. Also, you have Liz and Lizzie. I would use one or the other, but not both unless it’s two different people saying her name in dialogue that may call her one versus the other.

“Besides, she’s going out with Mom’s broker, Bill Thornbourgh,” Liz said.
“Did they go to the Cayman Islands together?”
Liz laughed and said, “He owns a condo down there. Try competing with that.”