Lexi – 2009-03-24 3:50 PM
Okay, Chris, you guilted me into it. Here’s an eensy-teensy bit of editing for you. 😉
Thanks, Lexi!! I kind of feel guilty about guilting you (I guess that makes it hyperguilt), but I really appreciate your input. You give some of the best critiques around here — detailed, insightful, and always on-point.
telldecide which was worse, the throbbing in my head or the pounding on my front door. I lurched toward sthe entryway to at least makestop at least one of them. stop. (Better, but it still seems awkward…something about the “at least” isn’t working for me.) I didn’t have to peer out through the window to knowI knew who was there; the familiar voice yelled yelling had been clearover the insistent racket. I opened the door and squinted into the brightness(period) to seeDanny ’s angry face glaringglared at me.
See? This is what I’m talking about. You have a great talent for helping to strip away the extraneous words and helping to get to the core of the point. I need that — I can be a little too excessively wordy with extra words added that are extra and not needed. ;^)
Side comment: You started every sentence in the above paragraph with “I.” See if you can reword one or two of those.
I see that now! I hadn’t even noticed. I appreciate you finding it. I will try to fix it. I think it will be better that way.
Wait a minute… Doh!
you got here,” he said as he pushed his way into the house. “ Sowhy the hell didn’t you answer your cell phone?”
I said as(change that comma into a period and lose the tag. The next sentence serves as an identifier.) I closed the door behind him. “It’s been shut off for about a week. (Put that sentence in between the other two, combine it with the new first sentence, and add a “so” to the beginning of it. After reading it out loud a few times, both ways, it seems to flow better with that one in the middle.) I’m having a minor cash-flow problem at the moment. My assets aren’t quite liquid.”
I’m sure that was terribly confusing, so here’s what I meant:
“Sorry.” I closed the door behind him. “I’m having minor cash-flow issues, so it was shut off about a week ago. My assets aren’t quite liquid.” (Hope that makes sense. 😮 )
Yep — perfect sense. Thanks!
Will have to do more later. This looks interesting. 😉
Thanks again! I look forward to the whole she-bang when you get a chance!