Re: Re: High Schooler Writing for High Schoolers; My First Novel

Home Forums Critique Central YA Fiction High Schooler Writing for High Schoolers; My First Novel Re: Re: High Schooler Writing for High Schoolers; My First Novel

#525563

Cinci Kim
Participant

Little Beep,
I just have just a few critiques to make.
The first is that I wasn’t drawn into the story. Once i got into it, it was a little easier, but I still felt at times like I was forcing myself to keep going. That brings me to number two: the dialogue was a little long and confusing. It wasn’t bad, but there might just be too much of it. I realize that we need to get to know Brett and Doug, but maybe there’s a more interesting way to do it. It would be better to find a way that is not neccesarily shorter, but feels like it’s going somewhere when being read by the reader. That way it’ll feel more relevent and the reader will be less likely to close the book and say, “well, that wasn’t going anywhere”. Once it got towards the end and the drill began, followed by the gunshots, it was much more interesting, but it took a while to get there.
I’m new to the forum, so I hope I’m doing this right. Sorry if my inexperience in critique was taken out on you! Hope I could help.