Elibet, I love the flowing rhythm and rhyme of this, and think it would be a nice children’s picture book. It’s possible I am reading & inflecting differently from you, but when I read it aloud, I’d make a few changes just to keep the smooth flow going. My suggestions (take ’em or leave ’em): 🙂
And the trees quake [and quiver] where they stand
Everyday of the week for a month and a half or [maybe] more
When the sun goes down [then] the lion must return
Either way — I like it. Thanks!