You have a nice idea for a story and very believable. In reading it, I found some grammatical mistakes and a few typos. In your first paragraph you have a run-on sentence which could be broken down so that it would flow better, making it easier for the reader. Perhaps you could break it down as follows: His mind seemed to be locked in a space between life and death, preventing him from communicating. He could not open his eyes nor move his hands or limbs.
Second paragraph: That decision was not hers to make. (No apostrophy on hers) instead of–That was a decision, not of hers’ to make.
I hope these few suggestions will help and give you some ideas to keep the flow from bogging down.