I like your story. The diologue is good, your narration is, as the others have said, slowing the reader. I’m not a pro either but love to read. Words repeated unnecessarily slow the flow. I read chapters one and eleven, if you were to eliminate “she” and “her” in some places for example, the flow moves much faster. In the eliminating of “she” and “her” you will have to rearrange your sentence, however, you can say exactly the same thing with less words increasing the flow.
I’ll keep up with you, God bless, Mr. B